Life In Monochrome

Pop That Booty - Dangdut Style!

2008-07-22T04:46:00.003+08:00

Went to get myself a drink in the kitchen when I noticed my grandparents watching a Live Dangdut concert on RTM 1 in the living room last Sunday; and almost instantly, I found myself engrossed in the show too!

Seeing such heavyweights like Mas Idayu and Sheeda singing and gelek-ing(?) on stage really brought back memories of my Primary School days - back when Dangdut was way more popular than R&B is today!

Therefore, in tribute to Dangdut itself, I decided to compile a playlist of popular Dangdut songs for the listening pleasure of you, my dearest readers.

Those who vividly recall the Dangdut era would definitely find most of the songs familiar; and yes, of course I had to include the (now) anthem Yang Tersayang by Amelina & Iwan (cue: Ewah, ewah, ewah!), as well as hits like Cintaku 100% and Dag, Dig, Dug.

Oh, I am missing one hit track though, thanks to the stupid 30-second rule on Imeem. Does anyone out there have Senggol-senggolan, Cubit-cubitan by Mas Idayu? If you do, could you kindly send it to me on MSN, so that I can upload it to the playlist as well? Thanks!

In the meantime... Let's GELEK!!!! ;)

Random Rambling

2008-07-22T04:40:00.001+08:00

One Shot: That's all you've got; and quite frankly, all you'll ever get.

18 Months

2008-07-08T00:30:00.005+08:00

Today also marks 18 months since KS and I went our separate ways.

It's been one helluva year and a half, to say the least.

I had actually wanted to commemorate the occasion by asking him out for dinner, and then surprising him with a little "break-up anniversary" gift; but unfortunately, he's got some school-related commitment to attend to.

Oh well...

To my dear KS, just in case you're wondering, that's the reason why I so eagerly wanted to meet you for dinner tonight. And yes, I was thinking of having dinner at your favourite Nasi Lemak stall at Holland Village.

Once again, oh well...

"I wouldn't be surprised if I'm still single this time next year.
Really, there's no one quite like him."
-- Maman to Ms. Tjut Roslinda

6 Down, 18 To Go.

2008-07-08T00:26:00.004+08:00

Todays marks exactly 6 months since my enlistment.

It'll only be another 18 months before I can finally shout "ORD OH!" to my juniors, but unlike most others, I'm really enjoying life in NS; so I don't mind waiting, really.

When they said that National Service
is "the best time in a Man's life",
...They weren't kidding.

12 Months

2008-06-30T23:47:00.006+08:00

"To be frank, the past 4 months hasn't exactly been smooth sailing for me. I'm kinda tortured by this girl. I feel like crying. Really damn sian. I so wanna give up. There's really no one who can love or take care of me the way you did. Haiz."

"...maybe it's just karma. I wasted 1 year of your life. Now it's my turn to feel the pain."

"Now we're both lonely, knowing that the best love we had was the one we shared; but sadly is not a possible one."

"...thanks for the listening ear, Maman. You're still the best I had."

These were some of the messages I received from my (dearest) 2nd ex, KS. It's been almost 18 months since our break-up; and though we're both over it, we're both aware that deep down, there's no one who could possibly take the place of the other. We're both also well aware that, despite this fact, the love we once shared could never be ignited again.

It took me 12 months to get over him for he was an honest and sincere boyfriend who, despite his busy schedule, dedicated all his love and affection to me; and was one who really treasured all the love I gave to him. It's also no surprise that with him, I was able to completely let my guard down without any reservations nor hesitations.

Let's also not discount the fact that, albeit dating 4 others before him, he was the only man who was able to hold my hand and walk me out of the fears which had completely consume me; an aftermath of my break-up with Adi.

I was the first man he dated. I was the first man he got into a relationship with. I was the first man to show him what true love really is.

He was the first man to lead me out of my fears. He was the first man to heal my pain. He was the first man to make me believe in love again.

Despite having opposite personalities, I dare say that we were a match made in heaven; but sadly, the undying love we had and shared was not meant to be.

I would be lying if I were to say that my feelings for him have completely faded off. I know very well that - for a fact - that little corner in my heart will always have his name tattooed on it; regardless of how many relationships I get into in the future.

I would also never deny the fact that, given the chance, I would give everything up to have him back in my arms once again; even though I know that, one day, I will have to let him go once again.

This is probably one of the reasons why I'm still single and lonely after almost 18 months; because deep down, I know that should I finally have someone to fill the void in my heart, he would need to have all the qualities I look for - of which the standards were all set and/or raised by KS himself.

All I can do now is to pray for his happiness; that one day, he will find a girl who's worthy of his love and dedication for life. Even though I know I can make him happy. Even though I know... that that'd be the only thing to make me happy once again.

I.. I... Ugh, I think it's best that I end here. Shedding buckets full of tears is the last thing I want to do right now. I shall leave this entry with the following song.

The sad song my tears sang for 12 months.

The sad song that still plays in that little corner of my heart.

Stay With Me
by Danity Kane

Raindrops fall from everywhere
I reach out for you, but you're not there
So I stood, waiting, in the dark
With your picture in my hand
Story of a broken heart

Stay with me
Don't let me go
Cause I can't be without you
Just stay with me
And hold me close
Because I've built my world around you
And I don't wanna know what's it like without you
So stay with me
Just stay with me

I'm trying and hoping for the day
When my touch is enough
To take the pain away
Cause I've searched for so long
The answer is clear
We'll be OK if we don't let it disappear

Stay with me
Don't let me go
Cause I can't be without you
Just stay with me
And hold me close
Because I've built my world around you
And I don't wanna know what's it like without you
So stay with me
Just stay with me

I've searched my heart over
So many many times
No you-and-I is like no stars to light the sky at night
Our picture hangs out of tune
Remind me of the days
You promised me we'd always be
And never go away
That's why I need you to stay

Stay with me
Don't let me go
Cause I can't be without you
Just stay with me
And hold me close
Because I've built my world around you
And I don't wanna know what's it like without you
So stay with me
Just stay with me

Don't leave
So I stay waiting in the dark...

Swarmed, Minus The Bees

2008-06-27T04:08:00.004+08:00

Did you read the news on the Emergency Detrainment Exercise at City Hall MRT, which was conducted in the middle of the night and was participated by over 300 students?

I was a part of that.

Did you read the news on the Emergency Preparedness Day Exercise participated by the residents of Kolam Ayer at Geylang Bahru?

I was a part of that.

Did you read the news on the Emergency Preparedness Day Exercise participated by the residents of Jalan Besar at Jellicoe Road?

I was a part of that.

These activities merely make up a fraction of the activities I was involved with over the past month at work. It's been exhausting, to say the very least. Besides the 3 activities mentioned above, I was also involved with other community-based events held in several constituencies, Fire Safety Days and Work Safety Days; all that, on top of the CEPP lessons my team members and I have to carry out, both in and outside of camp.

Oh, and speaking of lessons, my department has just completed a 4-day training course for the entire sec 2 level of Dunman High School. It was extremely tiring, having to teach so many students at a time, and also having to discipline them.

Now that most of it's over, I find myself swarmed with administrative work. Swarmed, I tell you!

I've just completed the CEPP monthly report, which then leaves me with the Department Monthly Report, the Public Service 21 report, and the Quality Service Initiatives report! On top of that, I've also got tons of data entry to do, and also an archiving assignment to complete.

Oh and if that's not enough, I now have to write the script for the next Emergency Preparedness Day, which I've got to submit today!

Aaaaaaarrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhh!!!!!

Oh oh oh, guess what? If all that work's not enough to already make me scream, I've also gotta work over the weekend at 2 community-based activities; and later on in the afternoon, I'll be heading down to Jurong Island to conduct lessons on First Aid, CPR and Fire Fighting to the staff of ExxonMobil, which is expected to go on till 10 in the evening.

I'm really happy being where I am today for I've got good superiors and (pretty) good colleagues, of which more than half are quite dependable; but the workload, especially the paperwork, is really something that's making me real crazy (and temperamental) at the moment.

Here's a piece of info before I end off - The last time I was on off was on the 16th, and the next would only be on the 3rd of next month - In other words, that's working back-to-back for 16 days straight, leaving very little time for the other areas of commitment in my life.

With a work schedule like this, it's no wonder my love life's non-existent! Urgh!

The Beginning of A New Milestone

2008-06-27T03:27:00.001+08:00

My 21st birthday celebrations went really well, and before I start in on the details, I'd just like to take this opportunity to thank everyone for the well-wishes, the hugs, and most importantly, the presents! Nyeh heh heh! ;)

The first few celebrations took place over the weekend before my actual birthday itself. Let's see; for starters, my family had a feast for me; then I had a nice karaoke session with Nizam and the Sembawang bunch; had a mini party over at Diah's place; and of course, my 2 celebrations at Powerhouse.

The first was on the Fabulous Bling Bling night. By the time I got there, it was already close to midnight, and the queue outside was c-r-a-z-y. But of course, as you'd probably know, queues have never been a bother for me when it came to St James.

There were those who had to be in the queue for hours before entering, but it only took 5 minutes for yours truly (and my friends) to get in! It sure pays to be a VIP of the club; and not to mention, a close friend of the DJ himself! ;)

Anyway, that Sunday night at St James was really crazy, and yes it's a good thing. True to my nature, I got myself drunk as I did for my past 2 birthdays. Well, not pissed drunk, no. I drank to the point where I knew the high's just right. Getting myself pissed drunk is usually saved for my actual birthday itself.

And as I've mentioned above, pissed drunk I was on my actual birthday celebrations, which was held at Powerhouse once again on Ladies' Nite. Okay, the whole getting pissed drunk part was all courtesy of our dear Miss Pei Wen who kept feeding me alcohol like it was running tap water! Oh did I mention, I ended up smooching this really really really cute guy! Yes, on Ladies' Nite! Sorry ladies! Hur hur hur... But sadly, in the midst of it all, I actually forgot to get his number! Aargh!

And oh, to my dearest Ms "tAK", which part of the club were you at? I tried looking for you and Darius, but I didn't even see anyone who looked anything close to the 2 of you! By the way, my whole group was seated by the bar, just behind the podium on the left.

Well, it's been a slightly over a month since my birthday. I've officially stepped into a new milestone in my life; and as I do every year, I've set myself new goals and new aspirations for this new chapter in my life.

And Maman said to his laptop...

2008-06-26T23:06:00.001+08:00

"Let there be life!"

The past month and a half has been miserable without my dearest lappie, which decided to die a few days after my last blog entry.

My endless thanks to Ain, who spent time repairing it for me despite her hectic schedule! You really are a computer genius! Thanks, girl! Love you deep deep! :)

Although lappie's running really slowly, and keeps lagging, I'm more than thankful that, at the very least, it's still able to work! :)

Boyz 2 Men

2008-05-08T06:49:00.001+08:00

Since my enlistment 4 months ago, almost everyone I know have been asking, "So, what is it exactly that you do in Civil Defence?"

Most of the time, my response has been "You don't really wanna know"; simply to spare myself the trouble of getting into the fine details of my job scope.

Well, for those who have been, or are still, curious, let me now take this opportunity to explain in detail what it is exactly I do; day in, day out.

As most of you would know, I am in the Public Affairs Branch of SCDF's 1^st Division.

On the surface, I am a certified Public Education Instructor; meaning, I go around teaching organizations in both the corporate and public sectors, grassroot organizations, academic institutions and the general public on the fundementals of Civil Defence through our Community Emergency Preparedness Programme, or CEPP for short.

The CEPP consists of 5 modules: First Aid; CPR; Fire Fighting and Evacuation; Emergency Procedures; as well as Unconventional Threats.

Having worked in numerous Education and Community Outreach projects in my 1 1/2 years in theatre, this part of my job is a piece of cake, actually. I've never had difficulties being in front of a crowd; as long as I know the contents of my tutorials well.

Besides being a PEI, I also take charge of most of the administrative work in my department. This is the root of most of my job-related stress, to be frank.

Not only am I required to perform data-entry duties, I'm also required to prepare the monthly department report, both the weekly and monthly CEPP reports, the monthly Commander's meeting powerpoint slides, as well as the annual work plan powerpoint slides. On top of that, I'm also required to vet through other important documents with regards to the CDECs in the 23 constituencies which fall under our Division. To add on, I also assist my Assistant Community Involvement Officers with their paperwork, as and when they need it.

If that's not enough, I'm also the unofficial photographer and emcee of my Division. Hell, I even ran double-duty during the last Commander's Parade; something which, as I've come to find out, has never been done before by any NSF in my department - past or present.

Daunting as it may seem, I'm actually glad to be in this position; for not only does it discipline me in my work ethics, but it also creates a platform to stretch my potential - thus, creating more avenues to excel and shine in.

Looking at the previous batches of NSFs, I realized that I've not come across 1 personnel who was proficient both in the office, as well as on the training field.

Though I personally believe that I have yet to reach that level of greatness, I'm determined that, with a little bit more effort, I'm well on my way of achieving that ultimate goal.

Besides, there are perks to being, arguably, the busiest NSF in the department.

For starters, my welfare has always been extra taken care of. I've never had any request for a day's off rejected; I've been treated to meals by the Head of my department, my Public Education Officer, and my ACIOs - a gesture I take as a form of acknowledgement of my performance at work; and the best part of it all, I've constantly been given the green light to do my work, my way - without having to conform to the SOP of the Force.

That, in my opinion, has always been the source of envy in the eyes of most of the boys in my department; to the point where my rapport with the officers have been the centre of their bitch fests.

Also, being a PEI, I get to shake hands and rub shoulders with MPs from the various GRCs - something most people don't get to do ever so often.

Hence, it leaves me to wonder - why do most of the boys shudder at the thought of stepping into my shoes?

Sure, the shitload of work's enough to make you jump off a cliff; but, with those perks and more, why not let that be a form of motivation to do better?

If there's one thing I've learnt through my mistakes in the past is that there's always time for play, as long as you know when it's time for work.

National Service is where "Boys Turn into Men".

That said... Have YOU grown up yet?

Counting Down

2008-05-07T01:40:00.005+08:00

It's officially 2 weeks to my 21^st birthday.

I know some of you may already know this, but for the sake of everyone else, I'll just make this official - I will be having 2 birthday celebrations!

The first celebration would be a pre-birthday affair at Powerhouse, St James Power Station on the 18^th of May. Coincidentally, that night would also be the Fabulous Bling Bling night; so come on, show off your bling and party the night away with yours truly as I celebrate my birthday with the rest of the Fabulous crowd.

In case you're wondering, yes, I'm making this an open invititation to all my friends and acquaintances! No guest lists, no formal invitations. Just a shout-out to everyone and anyone (who knows me) out there! But don't forget the presents though! Haha!

And oh, for those who've been living under a rock for the past year and a half, Sundays' Gay Night at Powerhouse, but don't let that deter you from coming down, especially to all my straight guy-friends! :)

My second celebration would be held on my actual birthday itself - May 21^st.

This would be a double-celebration - Yours truly turning 21, and my beloved godsis Cyna turning 30 - something we've wanted to do since last year! Anyway, I wanted it, on my part at least, to be an intimate affair with my loved ones at a not-so-intimate location, so for this, I'll only be inviting my close friends and loved ones.

For those who've already been invited, I really hope you can make it on that night. And as for those who haven't, too bad. ;)

Oh by the way, could Ms "tAK", Ms Mardiana Sabtu and Mr Stanley Ng please pm me over at msn? I wanna pass you the details of the party. :)

...And Now, The Conclusion.

2008-05-07T01:14:00.003+08:00

"Maman is mentally and emotionally exhausted ...because of you."

"Don't make me play the part you think I am."

"...you already are."

These were the nicks displayed on both mine and Farid's MSN messengers respectively. I had a hunch that something big was brewing; that the fireworks were about to go off anytime soon - and they finally did.

Farid had wanted to know of the contents of my conversation with Danial on Saturday morning. I replied by saying that whatever that were said between Dan and I shall stay between Dan and I, leaving only with "I now know. So does he."

He wouldn't accept that, and started accusing me of spreading shit about him, and yet not having the balls to say it to his face. Well, my only retort was for him to get a mirror, because if everyone else can see it, there shouldn't be any reason for him not to.

Hell, everybody knows what happened beween him and I. They were there over the months, seeing him lead me on at one instant, and ignoring my feelings the next. They saw me cry almost every other week. I've got that many people as witnesses who saw the whole thing with their own eyes. Who or what does he have in his defense?

No need to play the sick puppy no more, hun. Like how I ended our half-hour tiff, I shall end the same way here.

"You'll see this one day. Hell, you'll go through it. Believe me when I say this, because I've been in those shoes before. Thank you, and goodbye."

With that, I deleted him off my msn list for good; thus, closing this chapter once and for all.

Am I sad? A little, I shan't deny.

But am I relieved? Oh hell yeah!

As most of my friends would know, it only takes one discovery of an act of betrayal for me to forget someone completely. Time and time again, I've shown just how cold I can be to erase every bit of memory of that person at the snap of a finger. As of now, you're one of them.

Thank you for making me believe again.

Thank you for making me lose all beliefs.

Thank you for making me feel again.

Thank you for making me cold again.

Thank you for the laughter.

Thank you for the tears.

Thank you for reminding me that I was once ~~a bastard~~ you.

Thank you for shedding some light on the man I've become today.

...and with that, goodbye.

This Story Has Reached Its Climax

2008-05-07T00:54:00.000+08:00

Was at Play with the usual bunch on Friday; where I was introduced to this guy by the name of Danial. He was also introduced to me as the guy Raihan was dating.

We (all) drank and danced the night away. Barely hours after getting to know him, I soon realized that Danial wasn't exactly on good terms with alcohol, because he got drunk only after a couple of drinks! Haha!

Anyway, one thing led to another, and before I knew it, we were both dancing together on the podium. At that point, the dance pretty much meant nothing to me because he was the guy Raihan was dating, or so I thought; but I shan't get into details about that. With all due respect to Danial, I'm sure you guys can pretty much guess where I'm going with this.

Moving right along, while we were at the smoking area, something happened. No, make that 2 things.

First of all, Danial and I kissed. I'm sure you guys saw this coming the moment I first mentioned his name, right? Haha! But no, seriously, it wasn't something I had planned on - It just happened!

Well, as it may have appeared, my night was going well. Near perfect, if I could say so myself. Then came the plunge.

"You wanna know something? I think I kinda like Farid; and from the signs he's been showing, I think he kinda likes me too."

If there were a moment where I'd willingly stand before a moving train, that would be it! I mean, here's a guy whom I was introduced to as Raihan's "current" beau, and here he is barely hours after our first introduction, had his tongue in my mouth!

If you think the picture's not screwed enough as it is, wait - it doesn't end there! Here he is again, barely minutes after having his tongue in my mouth, and vice versa, telling me that he "kinda likes" the guy I've been deeply in love with; not to mention, been crying myself trying to get over, for the last few months!

As what Megan Mullally's character in Will & Grace once said, "Which lever do I pull to get hit by a safe??"

That pretty much screwed my entire night. I left him at the smoking area with Buzar and went back into the club - crying, yet again.

After much self-persuasion, I decided that I will not let another bullet to the heart affect an, otherwise, wonderful night out. Siti, being the darling that she is, decided to cheer me up with booze, and last drink definitely hit me at the right spot!

After clubbing, Danial, Ewan, Aliff, Buzar and myself decided to hang around at Maxwell to chat till morning. We shared lots of intersting stories about ourselves, and though it got deeper by the minute, we didn't stop. Then came the bonus-round, lottery-striking question: "What's the whole deal between Farid and I?"

That was when I decided to bring Danial over to another table and tell him everything that has happened over the last few months - both good and bad.

Yes, Farid was never mine to begin with. We were never in a relationship, neither did we ever date; but over the past few months, there I was in the background - still holding on. Still waiting for him to have a change of heart. Still waiting for him to be ready, and even Danial agreed that that's more than a good-enough reason for me to be affected by his revelations.

I told him everything that he needed to know - how we first met, when I first realized I was in love with him, how I tried to prove my sincerity to him, how everyone then saw him leading me on - so on and so forth.

He then went on to tell me everything I needed to know about whatever that was going on between him and Farid. From the "signs" that Farid was apparently showing, it became clear to me that those "signs" Danial had mentioned of were similar to what Farid had showed me then.

It was then that I realised that the whole Danial-Farid skit was turning into a remake of the whole Maman-Farid episode. In that instance, I also realized that it was my duty, if you will, to break it to Danial - It's not worth it.

I shall talk about the ramifications of our conversation in my next post, but for now, let me just leave by saying that knowing of this whole Danial-Farid skit has brought upon the same result as when I first knew of the things Adi did behind my back - I have completely moved on.

:)

My Lucky Number

2008-04-30T03:10:00.000+08:00

I'd be turning 21 in 21 days on May 21.

:)

Something Adi Never Cared Enough To Know.

2008-04-30T03:06:00.000+08:00

When Adi thought my frequent collapses and clutching of the chest following our (even more) frequent fights were all an act, this was what was really going on with my heart.

Wolff-Parkinson-White syndrome (WPW)

Wolff-Parkinson-White syndrome (WPW) is a syndrome of pre-excitation of the ventricles of the heart due to an accessory pathway known as the bundle of Kent. This accessory pathway is an abnormal electrical communication from the atria to the ventricles.

While the vast majority of individuals with a bundle of Kent remain asymptomatic throughout their entire lives, there is a risk of sudden death associated with the syndrome. Sudden death due to WPW syndrome is due to the effect of the accessory pathway on tachyarrhythmias in these individuals.

Now tell me, which caring and devoted boyfriend would dismiss a life-threatening condition as "an attention-seeking stunt"?? That said, I'd willingly pay $50 to anyone who could give me one less reason not to hate him. Any takers?

Hur hur hur...

Yayness!

2008-04-30T02:45:00.000+08:00

I see the rain settling down.

I see the sky clearing.

Yes, this is the end of the storm.

The stressful period at work has officially ended - for now.

I'm expecting the next one to come on May 26 when I return back to work from Leave.

That's SCDF's way of wishing me "Happy Birthday". :)

What Mom Has To Say

2008-04-30T02:37:00.000+08:00

Maman:
Guess what? Adi blogged about the time he bumped into you at CityLink.

Mother:
Oh really? What did he say?

Maman:
He said he was surprised.

Mother:
Oh, I was surprised to see him there too.

Maman:
No, he was surprised over how nice you were to him, especially since you gave him the cold shoulder during the time when he and I were really close.

Mother:
I don't get you.

Maman:
He mentioned that, at first, you were all nice and sweet to him; but as the 2 of us got closer, you were kinda cold towards him. So when you were all nice to him when he bumped into you at CityLink, it came as a surprise.

Mother:
Well, you no longer have frequent chest pains like you did before, right? So, I see no reason to still be mad at him.

Maman:
Even after he said that you were cold cos' you were self-conscious about him snatching me away from you?

Mother:
He said that??

Maman:
You think?!

Mother:
Eh tak malu nya! He actually thinks that he could actually come between me and my son?! Who does he think he is; my future daughter-in-law?!

Maman:
That's exactly why I told you not to waste your time talking to stray dogs!

Mother:
Boy, be nice. Whatever that happened between the 2 of you is in the past. Let it go.

Maman:
After everything that he has done and has put me through? Never.

Mother:
Boy, haven't I always taught you to forgive and forget?

Maman:
So, would you ever forgive Father for everything he did 19 years ago?!

Mother:
...

Maman:
My point exactly.

What Hurts The Most

2008-04-30T02:32:00.000+08:00

I've always loved this song, because I've always felt that the words sang the sad song of my relationship with KS - a love that was cut short due to unavoidable circumstances.

Once again, this same song has drained me of my tears; for I believe that it now also sings the sad song of my love for Farid - A love that could've achieved so much, but sadly, was never meant to be from the start.

'Nuff said. Watch the video.
(If you're currently depressed as it is, get ready to dwell in melancholy)

P/S: I'm still in the getting-over stage, so pardon the excessively emo entry. And oh, expect a few more along the way.

On a final note

2008-04-28T17:34:00.000+08:00

Guess who I saw in my living room the moment I got back from work earlier on?

Abdul Hamid Bin Ismail; also known in my birth certificate as my father.

Needless to say, his presence was automatically ignored by yours truly. :)

P/S: ...and now, I'm off to bed.

Out with it.

2008-04-28T17:29:00.000+08:00

Long conversation with my "Bitch Buddy #04" ahead, so hold on tight!

Bitch Buddy #04:
Babe!! Your dearest ex dissed you again!

Maman:
Ugh... What is it this time?

Bitch Buddy #04:
This one involves your MOTHER!

Maman:
Sonuvva bitch!!! What did that bastard say about my mom?!?!

Bitch Buddy #04:
No no no! He talked about the time he bumped into her.

Maman:
Oh, that I know. My mom told me about it.

Bitch Buddy #04:
She did? And what was your reaction?

Maman:
Nothin much, really. Just told her not to waste her time talking to stray dogs.

Bitch Buddy #04:
Ouch!

Maman:
You know me. Anyway, what else did he say?

Bitch Buddy #04:
He was saying about how your mom was, at first, all warm and sweet to him; and when the 2 of you got closer, she became cold towards him.

Maman:
She has every reason to.

Bitch Buddy #04:
Really? Why?

Maman:
Tell you later. You go on first.

Bitch Buddy #04:
Okok. Then he was sayin it's weird that now that you're both not on talking terms, she's suddenly all warm and sweet again.

Maman:
She was just being polite.

Bitch Buddy #04:
Really??? Tell me more!

Maman:
After you.

Bitch Buddy #04:
Aargh! Anyway, he concluded that the reason why your mom was cold towards him then was only because she was self-conscious about him taking you away from her.

Maman:
Bullshit. As I would've expected, he's still so full of himself. Guess some things really don't change.

Bitch Buddy #04:
You don't expect dogs to suddenly turn into cats now, do you? Anyway, tell me what you need to tell me!

Maman:
Oh where do I start?! ;)

Bitch Buddy #04:
Well, you could start from the back, just the way I like it!

Maman:
Haha! You slut! Wellllll... Let me start by saying that the only time my mother would ever accuse someone of stealing her baby boy away from her would be the day I step onto the dais; and what are the chances of that happening?!

Bitch Buddy #04:
Haha! Good point there! So, why was she cold then?

Maman:
You really wanna know?

Bitch Buddy #04:
Bring it on, bitch!

Maman:
When she first gave the cold shoulder, it was because she suspected of us being a couple. From a different context, I'd say that's fair play, because his mom did the same to me.

Bitch Buddy #04:
She did?!

Maman:
Oh, he never mentioned that? Why should I be surprised? Ha!

Bitch Buddy #04:
Okay, Mister. This convo has officially caught on fire! Go on!

Maman:
Wahaha! Well, at least my mom was nice to him. His mom was never once nice to me. From the day I first stepped into his house, his mom gave me such bad vibes, but I don't blame her, really.

Bitch Buddy #04:
Why not?!

Maman:
The chemistry Adi and I had then was totally out of this world. It was so strong that even a blind man would've thought that we were a couple! That said, why shouldn't it be worrisome for a mother to know that her son's sharing such an amazing bond with another man?!

Bitch Buddy #04:
You've got a point there.

Maman:
Precisely. And it came naturally that that was what my mom initially felt too. Her dislike towards him grew only when she saw certain changes in me.

Bitch Buddy #04:
What kinda changes?

Maman:
Since I was little, my mom was always on the fence whenever it came to showering love onto me - she never spoilt me, but she was never too hard on me either. That's only because she knew she had to play the role of a mother and a father at the same time. Therefore, just like what my grandparents, aunts and uncles did, she taught me to be strong; and when she saw her son turn into an emotional timebomb, she knew it could only be the work of one person - the person who had the strongest influence in my life then; Adi.

Bitch Buddy #04:
So what did she do?

Maman:
She secretly got updates from my grandma. When grandma told her of the constant fights Adi and I got into, and the frequency of my emotional break-downs, my mom got worried, and her dislike for Adi grew. But the cherry on top only came when I had my check-up at the National Heart Centre.

Bitch Buddy #04:
Whoa. Gettin serious here, I see.

Maman:
It is. I never once told this to any of my friends who knew of my relationship with Adi then because I was afraid they'd tell me to do the obvious - leave him for my own sake.

Bitch Buddy #04:
Well duh! I'd have told you if I knew it myself! So what was it?

Maman:
During the check-up, the specialist had a sit-down with me and asked if I was going through any stress whatsoever. I told him I was going through a rough time with my other half, and whenever we hit a rough spot, I'd always have tight, squeezing pains.

Bitch Buddy #04:
So what did the doctor say?

Maman:
He told me that the tight, squeezing pains I felt were caused by palpitations, which roots to the WPW snydrome I'm suffering from. This would be quite alright should I only be suffering from WPW. Fact is, I'm not. Besides WPW, I'm also suffering from MVP; and apparently, the pressure my heart was taking was too much that it had caused the overflow of blood in my left ventricle to further worsen.

Bitch Buddy #04:
So your heart was pumping even more blood than it needed to lah?

Maman:
Bingo. That's why I frequently fell flat onto the floor while immediately clutching my chest whenever Adi and I fought. He thought that it was drama on my part. If only he knew what was really going on.

Bitch Buddy #04:
What an ass! Hun, perhaps it's about time you spill the beans on the all the shit you found out about him.

Maman:
You mean the shit he did while we were still together?

Bitch Buddy #04:
Mmm hmmm!

Maman:
And why should I do that?

Bitch Buddy #04:
So everyone would know the truth! How dare he play the part of the sick puppy when he was clearly the demented bitch?! And to think he called you a burden!

Maman:
When?

Bitch Buddy #04:
In his entry lah!

Maman:
Well, some people were born with a conscience while others have to put on a pretense to make up for that one missing element in their lives.

Bitch Buddy #04:
You sound reluctant to dish the dirt. Hmmm?

Maman:
Not that I'm reluctant, but I find it pointless. Really. Babe, it's been almost 2 1/2 years since we broke up, and from the time we did, it took me less than 2 months to get over that no-good bastard. On the other hand, it took me a whole year to get over KS; and note that we were only together for a few months!

Bitch Buddy #04:
Why's that?

Maman:
First of all, I was up to HERE with everything that went on in our relationship. The emotional torment, the drama, the bla bla blas - I was sick of all that. I wanted to break free. Hell, I needed to! Plus, getting to know of the shit he did behind my back really speeded up the recovery. One by one, the news just poured in; and as they did, I took a step away from him. Babe, need I remind you of how he pleaded me to accept him back into my life? Hey, I still have that Nick Hornby book he bought me as proof, you know?

Bitch Buddy #04:
You mean that pathetic Valentines' Day gift he gave you?

Maman:
Err ya. Haha! Just spare a moment to think - Why would he go on his knees if he were the one who really walked out of the relationship, as he proclaimed he did? Why did he pester me to accept his proposal if I was such a burden, as he said I was? Why was he so eager to have me back to the point where he actually gave me a deadline to answer him by, if I were, truly, a "bundle of burden"?

Bitch Buddy #04:
WTF?! You've read the post?!

Maman:
Yes, babe. You weren't the first to let me know of his bullshit - which goes to show that I've got friends who really made full use of their eyes. They saw everything that went on between Adi and I, and when it was all said and done, they drew their conclusions from what they saw then; not what they read now. All the more, I see no reason to expose all that he did behind my back. I trust that those who knew of everything that went on in our relationship would be smart enough to figure out who's telling the truth; whereas for those who didn't, they can be fooled by the glib talker Adi is - I couldn't care less.

Bitch Buddy #04:
Why the fuck not? The bastard's trying to ruin your reputation!

Maman:
Is it really ruined; when those who've endorsed his propaganda are people whom I don't even know?! You do the thinking.

Bitch Buddy #04:
I hate it that you're always one step ahead of me!

Maman:
;)

P/S: To the rest of my bitches, don't worry about me. Instead, worry about what Karma'll do to him. ;)

Didn't See This Coming!

2008-04-26T10:57:00.000+08:00

Lisa:
Babe, how did we get to know each other again? And how long ago was that?

Maman:
IRC. Since our band-geek days? Hmmm... I'd say, 7 years?

Lisa:
Omg! Lol!

Maman:
Why'd you ask?

Lisa:
Didn't you have girlfriends in secondary school?

Maman:
Yea I did, even though none of them came from the same school as I did. Why?

Lisa:
LOL!!! Well, it just occured to me - How did you bring yourself to have girlfriends when you clearly knew that you were gay all along?

Maman:
Babe, I'm not entirely gay; nor am I bisexual lah - I'm a biemotional homosexual.

Lisa:
Huh?!

Maman:
Means that; emotionally, I can feel and fall for both genders; but when it comes to physical or sexual attraction, I can only "stand" when it involves another man. Get it?

Lisa:
Ya I guess. So you never slept with any of your girlfriends?

Maman:
Oh hell no! I barely touched them sia!

Lisa:
LOL!! Okok thanks.

Maman:
Erm, why're you suddenly asking me on this?

Lisa:
Haha nothing nothing.

Maman:
No, really. Why?

Lisa:
Ehhh... Cos... I used to have the biggest crush on you back when we were both in Sec 4?

Maman:
...whoa

Ready.

2008-04-26T10:12:00.000+08:00

More than ever; I'm ready to weather the storm at work, and the storm in my personal life.

Why, you ask?

Just look over to the sidebar and see what it says on my Twitter.

Hur hur hur...

Im'ma be aight.

2008-04-26T10:10:00.000+08:00

Apapun yang terjadi
Berjalanlah tanpa henti
Air mata tertahan
Waktu untuk dijatuhkan

Nanti kita kan tahu
Betapa bijaknya hidup
Sepahit apapun ini
Pelajaran yang berarti

Semoga kepergianmu
Tak akan merubah apapun
Semoga mampu Ku lawan
Kesepianku

Apapun yang terjadi
Berjalanlah tanpa henti

Dato' Siti Nurhaliza - "Melawan Kesepian"

In The Eye of The Storm

2008-04-24T11:24:00.000+08:00

The stressful period at work has officially begun, so expect hair-pulling, ice-cream-binging, alcohol-guzzling, tantrum-throwing moments for the next week and a half.

You've been warned, so make sure you don't step on my tail during this period.

Try me, if you dare.

Beautiful Nightmare

2008-04-24T11:18:00.000+08:00

This hot, new track was recently recorded by Beyonce in the studios; and apparently, was leaked on the net soon after the final touch-ups were made!

I've been in love with this song for more than 2 weeks now, and I know just why - he is my beautiful nightmare.

"Every night I rest on my bed;
With hopes that maybe I'll get a chance
to see you when I close my eyes

I'm going out of my head
Lost in a fairytale;
Where you hold my hands, and I be your guide.

Clouds filled with stars cover your skies
And I hope it rains;
Cos' you're the perfect lullaby.

What kind of dream is this?"

The Vicious Cycle

2008-04-24T10:54:00.000+08:00

Have you ever done something bad onto someone, only to have the same thing done onto you by somebody else?

I have.

I've always believed in Karma - that what goes around will, one day, eventually come around - even though sometimes, especially in my younger days, I've had the tendency to do things without sparing a thought of the repercussions.

There were times in my life when emotional commitment was the last thing on my agenda. I clearly remember that there were 2 periods - the time before I had met ~~the bastard~~ my first love, and the time following our ~~bitch fest~~ break-up - where I felt as above.

During these times, all I had in mind was to have fun, and to live life to the fullest without being unwillingly chained down by someone else. My life - during those periods - primarily revolved around partying, sex, alcohol, and even more partying.

In the period soon after I came out and before I had met ~~the bastard~~ my first love, commitment of love was of little - or no - importance in my life. Being 16-going-on-17, all I could think of was enjoying my adolescence before I "grow old" one day.

When I decided to finally break free from ~~the bastard~~ my first love more than 2 years ago, commitment of love was definitely the last thing I had in mind. In fact, at that point of time, death would have made a much better option! It was during that time when I had frozen all emotions associated to love and romance; while simultaneously (and sub-consciously) being taken over by fear.

Fear, after discovering all the lies and all the - for the lack of a better word - shit that ~~the bastard~~ my first love had done behind my back during the time that we were together, especially since these discoveries were made only after the break-up had taken place! On top of that, all the mind games, drama, blame-throwing and emotional torment were also major contributors to this fear - the fear of trusting another man ever again.

Since coming out more than 4 years ago, I've constantly had a string of admirers who patiently and persistently waited for that one chance to prove it all - that not all men are the same, and that they could potentially be the one to make me whole - but as fate would have it, they never really got that chance.

Besides fear of hurt and the desire to have maximum fun, I must say that I put most of the blame on the one thing that makes us all human - ego.

I've always had an issue with my ego when it comes to love. Don't get me wrong, though - I'm not referring to my ego when in love per se. That, I constantly make sure that it is in check as I very well know that it is the key to maintaining a healthy 2-way relationship.

No, this ego that I'm referring to... it's... hmmmm... of being desirable, and, being desired by another person. As ridiculous as it may be, it is simply something that, till today, I can not get rid of - for some reason - and I don't even know why!

To be frank, I have never once given a chance to anyone - and I mean anyone - who felt for me before I ever had the chance to feel the same way about them! The men whom I have ever pursued - or dated - were all men whom I had, at the very least, had a crush on; when - on the other hand - and at that same time, their feelings didn't amount to that of mine, or were close to nothing at all!

It's weird, I know, but I've always had an issue with people who develop feelings for me before I do! I've always felt that, being the one to reciprocate another person's love was, well, equivalent to that of being passive!

It's no lie that I have always been the one to initiate - especially when it comes to love - therefore having someone else doing the initiating, in my ego's opinion, just makes me that much less of a man!

Also, it has always been in my opinion that by taking myself out of the market too quickly, it would - believe it or not - make me less desirable to others!

Even though the very fact that I did have lots of admirers during the time I was with ~~the bastard~~ my first love and KS respectively is concrete enough to dispute that shallow lil' mindset of mine, I still find myself holding on to it to the point where I think it has become a principle in my life! Geez!

Above all, I still think that the biggest obstacle my ego has yet to face is the fact that Maman loves a challenge! Knowing that I can have someone whenever, wherever is somewhat of a turn-off, in my opinion. It kinda makes the person look easy, while at the same time, makes me look desperate. Once again, I know it's a weird excuse to deny one's self of finding his potential soul mate, but then again, when has my life ever been normal?

The one thing my relationships with ~~the bastard~~ my first love and KS had in common was the fact that I was the first boyfriend they have ever had in their lives! Heck, I didn't even have to put on that "I kinda like you like you, so I'm gonna be all nice and sweet when I'm with you" front just to attract them! All throughout the getting-to-know period, I remained myself - flaws and all - and they loved me for that!

So, if I could've changed the mindset of 2 closetted gay guys on love between 2 men, what couldn't I possibly do??

One after another, they came. The admirers, that is. They tried and they tried, but I never relented for my mind was already made up from the start. Still, I never once let them know. All I did was to simply appear nonchalant. Take it from this analogy:

The more I stayed nonchalant; the harder they tried.

The harder they tried; the easier it became to have them.

The easier it became to have them; the more "back-ups" I had.

The more "back-ups" I had; the more my ego grew.

The more my ego grew; the more I felt compelled to remain the bastard I once was.

It was only after my break-up with KS that I no longer felt the need for "back-ups" anymore; probably because with KS, I finally felt whole again.

I've been single for 15 months and 16 days now. There came a point throughout this time where I thought I'd never be able to love anyone so deeply the way I did KS, or even ~~the bastard~~ my first love. That was, until He came into my life.

For the first time in a long time, I actually felt and fell oh-so-deeply for someone. I honestly have no idea why I did, considering he's Malay and a year younger than I am. Everyone knows Maman swore never to fall for another malay guy after all that happened with ~~the bastard~~ his first love; and everyone knows Maman likes men within the age range of 24-35. So why was this kid the one?? Honestly, I still don't know; and that's how I know it's love.

"When you feel for someone but can't seem to put a finger on a reason so as to why you feel so strongly for him, that's when you know you love him."

Time passed, and feelings grew stronger; but it wasn't long before those feelings turned into an obsession - when one glance of him could light up your day; when your knees weaken by that precious smile flashes across his face; when fatigue and time are no longer excuses, just so that you could catch a glimpse of him.

But for the first time, I realized I was the only dancing to the tune; or at least that was what I felt.

Alas, I decided to straighten things out with him (pardon the pun) once and for all, and from everything that transpired from the conversation, I was determined - Karma has come full circle.

For the first time in my life, I felt what it was like to be led on. For the first time, also, I felt what it was like to invest all my emotions into something that was never meant to be from the start.

Was I upset? A little.

Was I disappointed? Sure as hell.

Was I relieved? YES.

Yes, because finally, Karma has bitten me in the ass. I knew it was a matter of time. I'm just glad it has happened now when I'm still young, rather than much later in my life.

Do I miss him? I sure do.

Do I still love him?

..

..

.....As much as I did the day I knew I was in love with him.

Dinginnya getaran asmara
Sentuhan mula bermadah
Ku tak bisa juarai
Jiwa yang ku tak punya

And from what I've heard, it appears now that the guy whom he's always had feelings for is doing the same thing onto him, cos apparently the guy's in love with someone else. Karma or not, let this be known - That despite the undying love I still have for him, I will not be his back-up plan. Perhaps, well, perhaps we were never meant to be anyway. Sigh.

Tidak kesampaian cinta kita
Ku bawa harapan, ku pendam rahsia.
Ku di kejauhan; mendoakan
Agar kau bahgia; tiada lagi duka.

Daku rela mengundur diri
Ku pasti dikau kan fahami.

All Dried Up

2008-04-17T12:51:00.000+08:00

First, it was Irreplaceable.

Then came Tattoo.

And now, it's With You.

Ever since Beyonce (and her amazing line of producers) got the world to turn to the left, to the left; it seems like more and more Pop-R&B composer-producers are copying that success formula with the release of such singles which, in my opinion, are of similar beats.

Sure, they're instant hits, and yes I do enjoy listening to such songs; but what about some originality, people?! Sheesh!

Look at Jay-Z, Timbaland, Kanye West, John Legend and Michael Jackson. These individuals are, in my opinion, the greatest composer-producers on the face of the earth today; simply because, they have, over time, trademarked their own signature tunes and beats. That is why people easily relate certain songs (or should I say, hits) to be that of their own original works respectively.

If only there were more of such great talents around. Sigh.

Cleaning Out The Cobwebs

2008-04-15T12:13:00.000+08:00

I could hear the crickets creaking.

I could see cobwebs forming.

I could see them nasty roaches chasing one another ala a bollywood scene.

But most importantly...

I could still hear Hari Raya songs playing; in April!!

(Bangs head on table)

Well, forget all that cos' the bitch is back! :)

I know it's been an awfully long time since I last updated, and quite frankly, I may have more things to say than I could actually bother to type! Well, that's the reason why I stopped blogging in the first place!

I mean, procrastination led to more procrastination - which led to the no. of posts piling up by the day - and before I knew it, I was too lazy to blog about anything at all!

Well, let's cut the long story short and get right down to my life over the past 5 months now, shall we?

From where I last left you, I was still running the family's business. Well, that's no longer the case, and it's not just because of NS. (On a side tangent, I've been in NS for 3 months now, but let's save the CD-bitching till later yeah?)

Back to the family business, I decided to relinquish my post about 1 month and a half earlier than expected, and you know that could only mean one thing - drama!

Well, it all happened in the midst of the whole Hari Raya festive season lah. It was at my eldest uncle's open house. I was halfway through a meal when his wife asked "So, Man, what do you plan to do after NS?"

Just as I was about to answer her, my uncle (the one running the business) cut in to say "Alah, no need to think so much lah. Best thing for you to do is to finish up your 2 years, and after that, fully take over the business!"

That statement shocked the hell outta me. Seriously, I was really caufght off-guard by his response. So much so that I no longer had the appetite to finish my meal.

Long story short, I decided to come clean to the family about my plans for after NS. I could tell they were somewhat shocked, but at the same time, they weren't surprised.

I mean, I shocked my entire family when I decided to withdraw from Poly to pursue my passion for acting. Hence, it came to no (or little) surprise that 2 years since I made that decision, I still chose my passion over another "career path".

My uncle got the worst of it, though. He was so shocked and disappointed that he didn't talk to me throughout the rest of the day; and it would stay that way till 2 months later when grandpa fell really ill.

Speaking of which, grandpa's sudden illness came as a surprise to us all, and frankly, it's something I never want to go through again. Period.

It was like any other Friday evening. I had just got back from my (then) part-time job as a trainer, and knowing Maman, I hate to be disturbed when I'm all tired out from work. It was right after dusk and grandpa was about to finish performing his prayers. That was the last time I saw him being his normal self.

5 minutes afterwards, just before grandma could perform her prayers, she came knocking on my door and said my grandpa was complaining that he felt cold. Initially, I thought that it was probably nothing, and he probably just wanted my attention or something, but when I came into the room and saw him shivering, I knew he wasn't joking, neither was he faking it cos for one, the shivering was too real to be faked by an 86-year old man who wasn't suffering from Arthritis or Parkinsons Disease!

I placed the palm of my hand on his forehead, and it was cold. I placed it on his neck, and it was just as cold. When I touched his hands, it was freezing cold. That immediately alarmed me.

I called my eldest aunt to come over immediately and I also called for an ambulance. Boiled some water to dab on his face and hands, and while waiting, I rushed back to his side.

My lord, the man was lying down in a stuffy room underneath 2 blankets and 3 layers of sweaters, and he was still shivering! To make things worse, all the man could talk about was death, and how he felt that it was his time to go!

How would you, as a grandchild, feel/react when your grandpa looks you in the eyes and say "I'm about to go. I think it's time."

As much as I was metaphorically shittin in my pants, I knew I had to stay calm for my grandma's sake. One glance and I knew that she was shittin in her pants too. Granny has a really soft heart, so seeing her husband of almost 60 years be in that state must've really been hard for her.

Anyway, once we got to the hospital, everything seemed fine. Gramps was in the observation room, and was seemingly recovering. Or so we thought.

Gramps got warded and not long after, we all headed back to my place to discuss grandpa's condition, and what could be done, especially with regards to his high blood pressure.

15 mins into our family discussion, the phone rang.

"Hello, Aman. Datang sini tolong Atuk. Atuk dari tadi cari bilik air rumah kita, tapi tak jumpa-jumpa. Dapur rumah kita Atuk nampak, tapi bilik air tak jumpa-jumpa pulak."

(Hello, Aman. Help me find our bathroom. I've been searching for it since just now, but I can't seem to find it. I can see our kitchen, but I can't seem to find our bathroom.)

"...Errrr... Errrrr.... Okay, okay. Atuk tunggu. Kejap lagi Maman sampai."

(Hold on. I'll be there in a while.)

"We need to go back to the hospital. Something's not right with grandpa."

Long story short, apparently the medication prescribed by the doctor was really strong as gramps' BP was really high then, therefore causing gramps to slip into temporary dementia, and that contributed to that night being the worst night I have ever had in my soon-to-be 21 years. (Fyi, 2 of my uncles and I insisted on staying over to look after him.)

Here's the thing; my grandpa loves being warded. I know it sounds weird, but yes, the old man loves it; simply cos' that's when he'd get to see distant relatives whom, otherwise, we only get to see during the festive season, weddings or funerals; but that night he kept wanting to go home, so much so that he barely had any sleep! He kept pointing out that we wants to go back to use our bathroom instead of the one in the hospital, which was at the other end of the ward.

Oh, and when he said he could "find our kitchen", it was actually the Staff Pantry, but the medication led him into thinking that it was out kitchen!

"What's happening to my grandpa? Why's he suddenly behaving as though he's... senile?"

My grandfather's 87, and besides his high blood pressure, he is a fit and healthy man! He's not diabetic; he doesn't have heart-related problems; he has never required a walking aid to move about; and his memory retention is that of a man in his prime!

So why was my grandpa in such a state?!

Seeing my grandpa like that really took me over the edge. My mind was fucking me up real bad with thoughts of him dying; and being the emotional guy that I am, those thoughts were effective in breaking me down.

I still remember running out of the ward crying, and having my uncle to calm me down only after 10 minutes or so. I knew I had to stay strong for gramps' sake, but I couldn't believe the strongest elderly man I know (physically and mentally) could be reduced to such a state in a matter of hours! It was only hours before that that he went to the provision shop to get bread and kaya. I swear, it was the most heart-breaking sight I have ever had to witness to.

The second time I broke down was when gramps perform his pre-dawn prayers. When he prayed for his family's welfare, and for us to always be safe and protected, I couldn't take it any longer. I turned away from him and cried silently.

The next day, we had gramps discharged upon his request, even though the doctors were reluctant to sign the release forms. Suprisingly, he got better afterwards. As the days passed, his condition got so much better.

Gramps' an amazing guy, he really is. He went from healthy to near-fatal in a matter of hours, and bounced right back in a matter of days.

Yes, I know I've always complained about him irritating me and all that shit. To be honest, he's back to that right now, but I'd rather have a grandfather who keeps bugging me than not having him around at all. I love him to bits, and I know he'd always love his first grandson the most of all his grandkids.

Mothers.

2007-10-28T05:20:00.000+08:00

The following events took place on Oct 20, 2007.

This was the day where I wished everyone would've just stayed home and kept their doors shut, because I had a total of 5 invitations to Hari Raya open houses and visiting on the day itself; out of which, I decided to attend 2.

Well technically I only decided on 1, because the other was a case of you-better-be-there-before-the-distant-relatives-start-asking-1001-questions-on-why-you're-not-there. If you celebrate Hari Raya the way Singaporean Malay-Muslims do, then you'd know exactly what I'm talking about.

It's not a Muslim thing, though. Rather, it's a Malay social trendition (a trend which, over time, has become an age-old tradition) to uphold your family's face value; where it's simply a must to put up a front, freeze that smile on your face for 8-10 hours, and to strike up hour-long conversations with people whom you'd only get to meet during the festive season, weddings and/or funerals.

It's a lot of work, I tell you, but for conservative Malays like your parents and grandparents, it's worth more than the risk of being the "talk of the town", if you know what I mean.

Honestly, I'd kill myself if I don't hear my mom saying "What will people say?" whenever there's a function where the list of attendees extends beyond my immediate family! No, really. Here's a good example of such an instance.

Me: How do I look?

Mom: Boy, it's a solemnization ceremony. Why're you in tees and jeans?

Me: So what? I won't be the only one anyway.

Mom: I don't give a damn if the rest were to show up naked! What would people say if they were to see my son inappropriately dressed for the occasion? They're gonna think that I can't even afford to buy my son a decent suit of Baju Kurung.

Me: Mom, it's Calvin Klein! Half of them can't even afford to buy their kids CK!

Mom: Do you think they'd care that it's CK?

Me: Then why the hell should you care that it's not Zain's Collection?

Mom: Stop talking back to your mom and change into your Baju Kurung! The last thing I want is to be the butt of all jokes!

Me: (mutters to self) ...you already are.

Mom: Oh, and boy...

Me: What?!

Mom: I'll be wearing my blue Kebaya, so make sure you wear a blue Baju Kurung. What would people say if they saw us in different coloured outfits?!

See what I mean by it being "a lot of work"? In just a minute of conversation, the question "What would people say?" was already mentioned twice! It has gone from being a threat to a form of emotional blackmail of sorts.

Why must we care about what others have to say, anyway? Why can't everyone just mind their own beeswax? Well, even if they chose not to, why must we then feel threatened by what they might potentially say or spread around? I can always put myself in the same position too, right?

I mean, c'mon, let's face it -- I can always point out that bump I see on their youngest daughter's tummy; and I can also point out the speck of dust I see at that little corner just by the side table where the telephone's at; heck, I can even be an all-out Mak Cik Melayu Kaypo (a nosey, middle-aged Malay woman who lives for gossip) and talk about how that gold ring I noticed you had on during the last function is no longer there? Hmmmm, could it be lying in a glass case in a pawn shop somewhere??

HMMMMMMMMMMMMM...... NOW THIS IS HOT NEWWWWWSSSSSSS......

So yeah, two can always play this game, and so why the hell should we ever feel threatened?!

Oh, and by the way, that whole chunk above are just examples yeah? No, I don't know if any of my relatives' daughters' pregnant or not, and I most certainly couldn't be bothered to notice any speck of dust in their respective houses! Like, I've got a life, people! Sheesh!

From Festive To Pensive -- Part 1

2007-10-23T19:55:00.000+08:00

Ran the business as usual on Friday, after which, I headed down to the Hari Raya celebrations at the place my kewat (malay gay) friends and I call "Rumah Hantu", or "Haunted House" in english. I'm sure you must be wondering, "Why "Rumah Hantu", of all the names?"

Well.....

For starters, the place itself IS pretty "dirty". Seriously, sometimes, when you're at certain areas in the 3-storey building, your hair stands on its end and u get goosebumps all over. Brrrrr~

Secondly, the people who frequents the place are "Hantus" themselves. Go figure.

BUT...

Most importantly, the reason why the place's called Rumah Hantu is because the Hantus who frequent the Haunted House love to come up with "Cerita Hantu!" (Ghost Stories)!

For those who didn't catch the joke, well, either you've been washing your brains once too many times with Chlorox, or your sex life is similar to your CPF savings -- It's all a mirage!

Aaaaanyway... The Hari Raya show was alright and the food served was alright too, And oh, speaking of food, I'm sure you must be wondering what else I ate besides the bowl of Lontong that was served right right right???

Well....

AKU MAKAN PINOY MELETUP GILA BABI LAH, SUNDELLLL!!!

All Planned Out

2007-10-18T20:49:00.000+08:00

My weekend's all planned out, so don't bother askin me out. If, and only IF I can find the time, then I'd fit you in my schedule. If not, too bad lor! Haha!

Thursday (Today) - Oct 18, 2007

Movie with Greg

Friday - Oct 19, 2007

Back to Work
Hari Raya Gathering at the "Haunted House" (Hur hur hur)

Saturday - Oct 20, 2007

Auntie Kathy's open house
Riddy's open house
Meet-up with Melly

Sunday - Oct 21, 2007

Eldest Uncle's open house
Fabulous Sunday @ St James' Powerhouse

Monday - Oct 22, 2007

Work
Dinner & Foot Reflexology with Mom

My Dear, Dear Claire

2007-10-18T20:46:00.000+08:00

...how can you say THIS isn't hot?!

He may be THIS hot on the outside, but I tell you, he's sooooo much hotter on the inside. Trust me on that. And oh, sorry Bajji, I stole this from your album on Facebook. Hehe!

I Swear I'd Turn Straight!

2007-10-18T20:42:00.000+08:00

As you all know by now, I, Maman, appreciate real beauty which is more than just skin-deep. I've always admired my dearest Tammi for in my eyes, she seems to have the whole package. The looks, the height, the charisma, the personality, the ~~boobs~~ deliciously curvacious body.

I was browsing through my friends' profiles on Facebook when I stumbled upon THESE pictures!

Tams, I swear, if I ever get over my fear (and disgust) of pussies, yours would definitely be the first I'd wanna penetrate! But I guess by then you'd already be married to Giles. Dammit!

Then again, you'd be a certified MILF, and we know how frequent MILFs' sexual urges are... Hur hur hur... A 3-way takedown, perhaps? Or would you prefer a 2-on-1 gangbang?? Hur hur hur....

P/S: FYI, my dick couldn't even erect to the thought of having Tammi in a gangbang with Giles. So, yup, I guess it'll be a looooong time before that would ever happen!

Look Into My (Crystal) Ball(s)...

2007-10-18T20:22:00.000+08:00

Gemini Love Horoscope

If distrust exists or one is concealing certain aspects from the other, it is very difficult to reach real ecstasy and happiness. It is necessary that both of you share your daily decisions, so that you are not bound by commitments that previously have not been planned jointly.

You see, this was what got me really agitated time and time again with both Adi & KS, the fact that they rarely share things with me. I had told them everything about myself, but yet they seemed to enjoy leading mysterious lives. Sometimes I wonder, why ah?

You see, I really hate it when my other half isn't being transparent cos' that'd lead to me doubting their honesty, and when that happens, the insecure jealous-strikened bitch in me rages out of control.

Mind you, not a second goes by after that where I hate myself for letting my doubtful thoughts get the best of me. It really is a sucky feeling, so why let me go through that?

In conclusion, the moral of the story is; Maman responds to honesty & transparency. Therefore, always be transparent (and honest) with Maman about anything and everything, even if it's about that hole in your underwear!

Anticipation

2007-10-18T12:32:00.000+08:00

4 more days.

St James' Powerhouse.

Fabulous Sunday.

ARE YOU READY?

THE BITCH RETURNS.

An Unpleasant Surprise

2007-10-18T09:44:00.000+08:00

I received a notification on Facebook yesterday saying that Bajji had tagged 2 photos of me, and of all photos, he had to tag THIS photo from the "Beyonce Night" party at Powerhouse 6 months ago!

Just so you know, the one on the left is the infamous Tupperware Diva (aka the Queen of Plasticity), that's me in the center, and on the right is, well... The man who broke my heart.

Remember that whole period when I was so heart-broken that I isolated myself from the outside world for almost 2 weeks? Yeah, that's the man who broke my heart. Oh, and no, I'm not condemning him or whatsoever because he knows that deep (make that really deep) down inside, I still love him.

I guess it's pretty much redundant to express the shock I felt upon seeing the pic for I had already deleted the whole folder of pics taken that night, with the exception of my pic with Bajji of course.

The most sincere, kind-hearted friend anyone could ever get

Well anyway, my point of typing this whole entry is to let you know that I had a dream about the man who broke my heart last night. Shan't go much into the details of the dream, but it did cause me to cry in my sleep. I woke up realising that my eyes and cheeks were still wet, which then resulted in me crying again for a good 10 minutes.

Oh well... Honestly... I... I really don't know what else to say, guys... So... I shan't.

I shall end here.

A Small Request

2007-10-18T09:30:00.000+08:00

May I request to those who intend to invite me to Hari Raya open houses, gatherings or outings to do so asap? Please?

I'm currently doing-up my schedule for the rest of the month, so it'd be great if you could pre-empt me on the invitations in the next few days or so.

You could either sms me on my two-week-old no (the one that starts with "9" and ends with "7"), inform me on msn, or simply leave a tag here on my blog. It's as simple as that.

Well, thanks in advance for your co-operation, y'all. :)

A LTD Affair

2007-10-18T09:20:00.000+08:00

Was at Indochine Wisma with Jarrick (and 2 of his friends) to celebrate Jeffry's (from CIEC) 39th Birthday. My cousin and his younger brother were also there. Oh, and so were Fendi and Victor Tang.

The birthday boy was made to endure 3 rounds of Waterfall (the most potent drink available in any bar/club), not to mention the rounds of Tequila as well. Well the birthday boy sounded good, as per normal, even though he was so drunk after all that booze! And oh, his drunkard ramblings nearly caused my tummy to explode. He was friggin hilarious, I tell you!

Jeff blowing out the candles on his 2 birthday cakes

Anyway, my 2 cousins also took the stage and performed 3 songs for the birthday boy. Fendi also took the stage and he was, obviously, perfect as always. And as for Victor, well, here's the thing.

We all know he's the most-hated man on the show. We all know he sucks, but last night... Geez... I must say, I've never heard him sound that good before! Seriously, he sounded a hundred times better than he ever did in Mediacorp. I wonder why. Hmmm...

Oh, and fyi, he told me that he sings at Wala Wala on Mondays, so if any of you wanna go down to catch him Live, let me know. I'd gladly join you. Plus, Wala Wala's in Holland Village, which is like, 5 mins away from my place! Haha!

Well, as for me...

I only had 3 Heines, so obviously I was sober throughout the night. :)

Ermmm...

2007-10-17T09:50:00.000+08:00

I just realised how MAT I sounded in my previous post!

Yikes!!~

Well, I'll take that as a preparatory step for when I enter CD. Hehe.

P/S: Claire, I ain't no void deck Mat! I live on the first floor, so my block doesn't have a void deck! Hehe!

When Whites Don't Understand English

2007-10-16T18:59:00.000+08:00

I've just updated my Fridae profile a little over an hour ago, and I just received a message from some dumb-fuck ang moh who don't understand the concept of rejection.

My (updated) profile reads:

Let me make myself clear for the upteenth time -- I don't fancy caucasians! Capiche?

I'm an Asian who prefers Asians, particularly Chinese, and though I don't mind getting to know my fellow Malays or those of any other Asian ethnicity, I draw my line at being friends.

Call it racial discrimination if you must, but that's just my personal preference. Furthermore, it's not like you're applying for some job, right?

And oh, I don't believe in the idea of a "monogomous long-distance relationship" either. You sure you can keep it in your pants when we're miles apart? Wanna bet 10 bucks on that?!

...And 15 minutes later, this dumb-fuck messaged me:

hi im nick from athens i like u very much i can say im crazy with asians even with u but im not sure if u r interested in whites and look for only asians just let me know ok/maybe u have to taste whites one time baby ok?

i can say i like u very much u seem to be very sexy and cute hope u answer me and give me u yahoo or msn ok? maybe we meet later if u like

kisses nick

Wanna know what I replied him?

First of all, may I suggest that you read my profile over and over again till u understand what every single word of it means.

And just to let you know, you're of the same age as my Mom!

So I'm sure you know what my answer is, right? Or do you need me to spell it out for you?

Mak Datuk!!!! If it were some bloody ~~!xubile~~ African or some Arab ~~suicide-bomber~~ who sent the message, then I'd understand his inability to comprehend the English Language and I would then gladly let him down easy lah, but what he fuck?! He's a bloody old-fuck ang moh!!! Bodoh nak mampus siak ni Mat Salleh!!

What, Greek men don't speak english, is it?! I'll SMS Zeus and ask him to shoot a bloody bolt of lightning on your shrivelled balls, I tell you! Plabuto punya Mat Salleh!

Keep your houses locked lah!

2007-10-16T18:33:00.000+08:00

Oh my, I've got 4 invitations to Hari Raya open houses & visiting this coming Saturday.

Auntie Kathy's open house
Hari Raya outing with the Secondary School peeps
Riddy's open house
Amirah's open house

Why did all of you have to choose this Saturday to organize these events? It's only giving me unnecessary headaches, you knowww... Sheesh!~

Well, obviously I have to attend my aunt's open house, and I'm really keen to attend Riddy's open house too, considering I've not seen his mom and siblings since early this year, so to the other 2 invitations, let me think about it lah ah. No promises that I'd show up, though.

Welcome To The Addiction

2007-10-16T18:28:00.000+08:00

I recently signed up for a Facebook account, and though I'm still adjusting myself to its never-ending features, I'm somewhat enjoying myself there.

Those who have had their Facebook profiles set up way before I did... Erm... Help??

Hehe...

Oh by the way, do add me as a friend. The link to my profile's on the sidebar.

Knowing Maman 101 -- Part 2

2007-10-16T03:25:00.000+08:00

Advanced Big 45 Personality Test Results

Gregariousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Sociability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	82%
Assertiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Poise	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Leadership	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Provocativeness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	82%
Self-Disclosure	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Talkativeness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Group Attachment	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Extroversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	69%
Understanding	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	86%
Warmth	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Morality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Pleasantness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Empathy	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Cooperation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Sympathy	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	86%
Tenderness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Nurturance	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	82%
Accommodation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Conscientiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%
Efficiency	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%
Dutifulness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Purposefulness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%
Organization	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	42%
Rationality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%
Perfectionism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Planning	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	38%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	55%
Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	34%
Happiness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Calmness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	42%
Moderation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Toughness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	38%
Impulse Control	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Imperturbability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	22%
Cool-headedness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	34%
Tranquility	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Emotional Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	38%
Intellect	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Ingenuity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	82%
Reflection	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Competence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Quickness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Introspection	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Creativity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Imagination	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	82%
Depth	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Openmindedness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	72%

Take Free Advanced Big 45 Personality Test
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Factor		low score	high score
Gregariousness	74%	quiet, reclusive	engaging, socially bold
Sociability	82%	withdrawn, hidden	warm, open, inviting
Assertiveness	58%	timid, gunshy	controlling, aggressive
Poise	62%	uneasy around others	socially comfortable
Leadership	70%	stays in background	prefers to lead
Provocativeness	82%	modest, plays it safe	bold, uninhibited, cocky
Self-Disclosure	70%	private, contained	very open and revealing
Talkativeness	58%	quiet, stealthy, invisible	motor mouth, loud
Group Attachment	66%	loves solitude	prefers to be with others
Understanding	86%	insensitive, schizoid	respectful, sympathetic
Warmth	90%	disinterested in others	supportive, helpful
Morality	66%	break/ignore the rules	play by the rules
Pleasantness	62%	aloof or disagreeable	gets along with others
Empathy	74%	out of tune w/ others	in tune with others
Cooperation	74%	competitive, warlike	agreeable, peaceful
Sympathy	86%	socially inconsiderate	socially conscious
Tenderness	70%	cold hearted, selfish	warm hearted, selfless
Nurturance	82%	self pleasing, me first	people pleasing, me last
Conscientiousness	54%	reckless, unscheduled	careful, planner
Efficiency	54%	unreliable, lazy	finisher, follows through
Dutifulness	58%	leisurely, derelict	strict, rule abiding
Purposefulness	54%	inattentive, undisciplined	prepared, focused
Organization	74%	relaxed, oblivious	detail oriented, anal
Cautiousness	42%	impulsive, spendthrift	restrained, cautious
Rationality	54%	irrational, random	direct, logical
Perfectionism	70%	careless, error prone	detail obsessed
Planning	38%	disorganized, random	scheduled, clean
Stability	34%	easily frustrated	calm, cool, unphased
Happiness	58%	unhappy, dissatisfied	self content, positive
Calmness	42%	touchy, volatile	even tempered, tolerant
Moderation	30%	needs instant gratification	easily delays gratification
Toughness	38%	hypersensitive, moody	thick skinned
Impulse Control	46%	lacks self control	maintains composure
Imperturbability	22%	highly emotional	emotionally contained
Cool-headedness	34%	demanding, controlling	accommodating
Tranquility	46%	emotionally volatile	emotionally neutral
Intellect	62%	instinctive, non-analytical	intellectual, analytical
Ingenuity	82%	lacks new ideas	innovative, novel
Reflection	74%	unreflective, coarse	art and beauty lover
Competence	70%	slow to understand/think	intellectual, brainy
Quickness	74%	intellectually dependent	intellectually independent
Introspection	62%	not self reflective	self searching
Creativity	70%	dull headed	synthesizer, iconoclast
Imagination	82%	practical, realistic	dreamer, unrealistic
Depth	74%	lacks curiosity	mental explorer

Take Free Advanced Big 45 Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Knowing Maman 101 -- Part 1

2007-10-16T03:05:00.000+08:00

ESFP - "Entertainer". Radiates attractive warmth and optimism. Smooth, witty, charming, clever. Fun to be with. Very generous. 8.5% of the total population.

Take Free Jung Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Main type	Variant

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test
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Enneagram Test Results

Type 1	Perfectionism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	60%
Type 2	Helpfulness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	86%
Type 3	Image Awareness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Type 4	Sensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	53%
Type 5	Detachment	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Type 6	Anxiety	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Type 7	Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	73%
Type 8	Aggressiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Type 9	Calmness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%

Your main type is 2
Your variant is social

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test
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To my dearest friends

2007-10-14T17:51:00.000+08:00

Sempena hari dan bulan yang mulia ini, Maman merendah diri menyusun sepuluh jari dan memomon ampun dan maaf kepada sesiapa diantara teman-teman sekalian jika ada terbuat salah dan silap atau terkasar bahasa secara tidak sengaja. Sesungguhnya Maman juga insan biasa yang tidak pernah lepas dari melakukan kesilapan.

Namun, jika pernah Maman mengeluarkan kata-kata kesat atau sindiran kepada sesiapapun secara sengaja... Memang padan muka kau! Wahahaha!

Sempena bulan yang mulia ini juga, marilah kita mengambil kesempatan untuk membuang yang keruh dan mengambil yang jernih, kerana itu adalah sifat mulia yang harus kita teladani.

Selamat Hari Raya
Aidilfitri mulia
Ampun maaf dipinta
Mensuci hening dosa

Setahun menghilang
Sekarang menjelma
Hari yang bahagia
Selamat Hari Raya

To those who have no idea what the whole chunk above is all about whatsoever, may I suggest you heed the government's advice and take up Bahasa Melayu as a third language. That is, if you're already eloquent in your own second language lah! Haha!

Hari Raya Shopping!

2007-10-13T19:10:00.000+08:00

Was at Geylang Serai on Thursday night to grab a few stuff for the house, and since it was (then) 2 days to Hari Raya, the prices almost hit rock-bottom, and the crowd, well... It was a riot, I tell you! Then again, what's new right? ;)

Birthday Greetings

2007-10-13T18:53:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was KS' 21st birthday.

Just as what I had mentioned in my b'day sms to him, I sincerely hope he'll ride the wave of life with patience and sheer determination as he steps into the world of adulthood.

Once again, Happy Birthday.

He's Living His Dream

2007-10-13T18:46:00.000+08:00

Once again, I was at Mediacorp on Wednesday together with Mommy Dearest, my (maternal) eldest aunt, uncle and an elder cousin to support my cousin and his band for the top 6 round of LTD.

Anyway, I shan't talk much about it, considering how tired I am after all the pre-Hari Raya chores. So, here're the pictures.

Oh btw, they're through to the finals! Yayness! :)

A Fresh Coat -- The Pictures

2007-10-13T18:34:00.000+08:00

The Process:

The End Result:

The Aftermath:

A Fresh Coat -- The Video Blog

2007-10-13T18:27:00.000+08:00

At around midnight:

2 hours later:

The One That Comes After 8

2007-10-09T14:55:00.000+08:00

Today marks 9 months since KS and I split.

It's been 9 months, but I'm still here.

Standing.

Breathing.

But just not alive.

"When was the last time someone looked into your sleepy eyes and said I Love You?"

I'm Sorry, Ben

2007-10-09T14:46:00.000+08:00

This happened earlier today....

Ben: You alright, boy?

Maman: I think so. Why?

Ben: Cos' today marks 9 months since your break-up?

Maman: Oh, you remembered. I'm alright, I think.

Ben: Oh good, cos I sooooo need to bitch to you about what an ass Ken was last night. He...

Maman: (cuts in) You don't get it, do you?! When I said "I think", what I meant to say was I'm not o-k-a-y! And why're you people always coming to me when you have problems with your dickhead boyfriends anyway?! Why me?! Haven't any of you paid any attention whatsoever to my love life over the past 9 months?! It's virtually non-existent! There's a fine line between being fucking alone and being fucking lonely, and I AM fucking-lonely!!! So could you please be a little bit more sensitive and spare me the "Dr Love" moment and not make my life seem any more pathetic than it already is?!?!?!

(hangs up.)

I'm sorry for the unnecessary outburst, Benjie. I really am.

4 Words

2007-10-09T14:38:00.001+08:00

...was all it took to crush my hopes of having a memorable 2 years in NS.

Singapore Civil Defence Force

I am so fucked!

8th January 2008

2007-10-09T14:38:00.000+08:00

That's the day I'd finally be serving my country. Ugh~

Happy Birthday To Me. Again!

2007-10-09T14:37:00.000+08:00

Today's my birthday! Well, according to the Muslim calendar, it is lah. I love having 2 birthdays. Oei, where're my presents?!

Wahahahahaha!!!!!

Happy 39th, Mom!

2007-10-09T14:30:00.000+08:00

Yup, it was Mommy Dearest's 39th birthday yesterday, and what better way to spend her birthday (especially when she's right on her way to hitting the Big-4 now!) than to have a delightful oh-no-i-didn't-just-eat-that-much buffet dinner at The Hyatt's Straits Kitchen?!

:)

Was there together with my aunt and cousin, and boy did we have a feast! I was so bloated after the whole ordeal, especially since I usually don't have quite an appetite during the fasting month, that I felt like following Nicole Richie's footsteps and forcing everything I had eaten back out!

Anyway, before the dinner, mom decided to buy herself not one, but two Picard handbags as birthday gifts for herself! They cost a huge bomb lahhhh! (So if you're wondering why I spend my money like water, ask my mom!)

Okay, enough talk. Bring on the pictures!

Sambal Crab!

Satayyyy!!!

The Birthday Girl herself.

God I love my mom! :)

I have her eyes, and her charm. :)

Movie With Greg

2007-10-09T14:25:00.000+08:00

Anyone remembers Greg? Yes, the Greg I dated before the whole Adi-Maman episode ever started. Yes, the Greg who was the first guy I ever dated. Yes, THAT Greg lah! Haha!

Well, I finally met up with him on Saturday after, hmmmm, 31 months? Yes, that's a long 2 years 7 months, mind you. Haha.

Was in the mood for some horror, so decided to catch The Detective at Cineleisure. Well, there were the shock-worthy scenes of course, but I think I laughed more than I screamed! I still think the movie was alright lah, though it wasn't as scary as I thought it'd be.

Aaron Kwok did pretty well potraying a wannabe-detective whose only obstacle was his short-sightedness. He managed to inject humour as and when he needed to, and I guess that appealed most to me about his acting. And need I mention how age hasn't stopped him from looking as cute as ever???

Wahahahaha!!!!

Okay, okay, after the movie, we headed down to The Big E where we started updating each other on our respective lives over the past 3 years, but that moment was shortlived when we saw a few plainclothed-policemen bringing 2 big groups of mats, minahs and mats-to-be to a corner near to where we were seated for presumably "illegal gathering" reasons. We then moved to Marina Square where we continued our conversation.

I must say, he's changed so much, and that's a really good thing if I may add. His sense of maturity has obviously grown, but why should that be a surprise right? He was 16 then. I was 17. He's supposed to change! Haha!

We then slowly walked across the Esplanade Bridge and headed down to Boat Quay for a drink. No, not THAT kinda drink. We were at the Kopitiam I usually hang out at lah! I had Liang Teh, he had Teh Peng. No alcohol involved whatsoever! (2 more weeks! 2 more weeks!)

WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!!!!!

Anyway, we both shared a cab home at around half-past 3 and that was the end of the night for us. I must say that I really enjoyed the 7 hours I spent with him that night. It was really nice to finally catch up after such a long time, and not to mention, it's nice to know we still have platonic love for each other, though things didn't work out between us back then.

We took a picture together, but I promised him I wouldn't post it here on my blog, and so I shall post the rest of the pictures we took at Marina Square.

Random shot of his leg.
(Fetishhh! Wahahaha! WTF?!)

Random shot of his bag.
(Nice bag, right?)

Random shot of yours truly.

Greg acting shy.
(Greg, shy?! My ass lah! Haha!)

"Aiyo boy ah, mai pai seh lahhhh..."

Frontal shot of his current hairdo.
(It's way better than the super-act-jap-plus-totally-ah-gua-hairdo he spotted back then!)

So much more nicer and neater than back then right right right???

New Playlist!!

2007-10-05T19:11:00.000+08:00

We're officially down to the last 8 days of fasting, including today.

This is the holiest part of the month, where the 7 doors of heaven open up and where God forgives even the biggest sins committed by the most sinful of sinners.

This is also where, Singaporean Muslims in particular, start preparing for Hari Raya Aidilfitri, or as it is more commonly known by the non-Muslims, Hari Raya Puasa.

And so in the spirit of Aidilfitri, I've compiled a list of my favourite Hari Raya songs which my peers and I grew up listening to during this festive season in the Muslim calendar.

And oh oh, do listen to track no 16 on my playlist, "Ewa Ewa Hari Raya", as it is my absolute favourite! It also brings back a lot of fond memories of my Primary School days.

Believe it or not, for all the 6 years that I spent in Tanglin Primary, there was not a year where I failed to perform the song during the school's Hari Raya concert!

Yup, I sang the song for 6 consecutive years, on top of my other involvements in the concert.

I did a Hari Raya Fashion Show in primary 1; and from primary 2-6, I was involved in the Hari Raya skits.

Oh god, what's wrong with me?! I've been thinking a lot about my childhood as of late!! *gasp!*

Utterly Disappointed! (Part 2)

2007-10-05T18:58:00.000+08:00

Yes, and so I've read that Beyonce's moving her Malaysia show to Indonesia instead due to the strict regulations on her on-stage outfit.

Still, that doesn't change anything now, does it?

SHE'S STILL NOT PERFORMING IN SINGAPORE ANYWAY!!!

C'MON LAH BEY! FIRST YOU DECIDED TO PERFORM IN A FUCKED-UP COUNTRY WHO'S (OBVIOUSLY) TRYING TO EMULATE THE SUCCESS OF SINGAPORE (AT THE EXPENSE OF THEIR CITIZENS, IF I MAY ADD)!

AND NOW YOU'VE DECIDED TO PERFORM IN A FUCKIN' THIRD-WORLD COUNTRY?!?!?!

LIKE, HELLLOOOOOOOOO...... THAT'S AS GOOD AS SAYING NO TO A FIVE-STAR HOTEL AND STAYING IN A CHEAP, SLEAZY MOTEL!!!

WAKE-UP BEY!!!

AAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

>=O(

You May Start Counting Down

2007-10-03T17:35:00.000+08:00

October 21, 2007.
Fabulous Sunday.
St. James' Powerhouse.

The Bitch Returns.

...mark your calendars.

Blast From The Past

2007-10-03T17:25:00.000+08:00

I know I'm a few days late, but I'm still gonna say it...

HAPPY CHILDREN'S DAY!!!!

Do you still remember how, back in Primary School, we were all so excited when Children's Day drew nearer?

Do you still remember how we spent days guessing on what the annual Children's Day gift pack may be when it's handed out by the school on the eve, and not to mention, speculating on the teachers whom we thought would be performing for the Children's Day concert???

Do you still remember the look on our faces when we saw our favourite teachers performing, be it a song, a dance, or both??? Oh gosh, those were the days lah!!!!

And oh oh oh.... Do you still remember THIS song?

Semoga Bahagia

Sama-sama maju ke hadapan
Pandai cari pelajaran
Jaga diri dalam kesihatan
Serta sopan-santun dengan kawan-kawan

Dengan hati bersih serta suci
Sama-sama hormat dan berbudi
Jaga tingkah pemuda-pemudi
Adat dan budaya junjung tinggi

Capailah lekas cita-cita pemudi-pemuda
Supaya kita ada harga di mata dunia

Kalau kita lengah serta lupa
Hidup kita sia-sia
Jiwa besar sihat serta segar
Rajin dengan sabar tentu bahagia

Lemah-lembut perangai pemudi
Cergas tangkas wataknya pemuda
Suka rela selalu berbakti
Sikap yang pembela dan berjasa

Capailah nama yang mulia pemudi-pemuda
Rajinlah supaya berjaya, semoga bahagia

Give Me A Hug

2007-10-03T16:08:00.000+08:00

A month ago, I promised myself that I wouldn't club, consume alcohol or have sex during the holy fasting month of Ramadhan.

It's officially 20 days into the fasting months now, and I'm still holding on to my promise.

I'm so proud of myself!

Give me a big hug, people! :)

Utterly Disappointed!

2007-10-03T15:43:00.000+08:00

How could she give Singapore a miss for her "The Beyonce Experience" world tour?!?!

She's performing in fucking Malaysia, for god's sake!

MALAYSIA!!!!

That's about the same as choosing a Proton over a fucking Ferrari!!!

How could she do this to ME?!?!?!?!

Has she no love for me anymore???

Sigh...

Okay, I better call my attorney to arrange the divorce procedures.

EH?!?!

(Slaps self)

Sorry, I kinda lost myself there for a moment.

But know that that still doesn't hide the fact that I'm SOOOOOO fucking disappointed she's giving Singapore a fucking miss!!!

Hmph!

Super Sunday

2007-10-02T17:26:00.000+08:00

Went over to my youngest uncle's place on Sunday as the family gathered to celebrate my youngest cousin's first Islamic birthday, which fell on the 19th of Ramadhan. According to the Roman calendar, his birthday falls on the same day as KS, which is like 10 days away.

Anyway, enough talkin. I'll let the pictures do just that.

Baby Cousin Noreen now at 18 months. Isn't she just adorable?

Noreen showing off her 8 front teeth. Say "EEEEEEEE..."

My Youngest Uncle

The Birthday Boy himself, Muhd. Shihabbuddin

Hey Mister, stop taking my picture! Please?

Ugh, it's useless talking to you Paparazzis!

Ring Ring

2007-10-02T17:13:00.000+08:00

I finally bought myself a new phone on Saturday! Like, yayness!

For those who wish to get my new no, PM me on MSN or Friendster.

:)

Of Breaking Fast, Lies, And Shisha

2007-10-02T16:51:00.000+08:00

As I had mentioned earlier, I met up with the Secondary School peeps last Friday for our annual Ramadhan Outing. It was, well, fun. Okay okay, I admit that my lip quiverred as I typed that sentence. No, don't get me wrong, I did have fun, though it wasn't as marvelous as what I had expected it to be.

I mean, c'mon, I've not seen all of them (collectively as a group) in a year! So after a year of living separate lives and all, there must be some sort of expectation with respect to the gathering itself, right right right?

Right.

Alright, so they were all (note: ALL) supposed to gather at my shop at six-ish, and true enough they all came at half-past six, which is the exact time both Ana and I had forcasted earlier. And so with that we were all off to a great start for a great evening, right? Wrong.

With the group standing behind me (I was busy closing the shop), it seemed that the air was overly filled with feminine aura, or that it had lacked some of that testosterone energy which we males usually emit. Either way, they both boil down to one simple question: Where the F were the boys???

The only creatures in the group with dicks and balls were Mus and Farhan, who were the boyfriends of Ana and Rose respectively. So once again I asked, where the F were the boys??

Maman: Budak-budak lelaki semua mana?
(Where are the guys?)

Ana: Diorang tak join kita semua buka. Entah diorang semua ada event NS ke apa entah. They'll join us later.
(They won't be joining us for the meal. They all have some NS-related event to attend to. They'll join us later.)

As we made our way towards Makan House, I thought something smelled fishy, and you know I don't like fish, so all the more I knew my premonition was right! Haha!

I said to myself, "Nash and Fiq are in Police; Keem, Fiz and Im are in CD; and Feeraz has yet to enlist. How can they ALL have the same "NS-related function" to attend to?? Today's not National Day, neither is it Home Team Day or Total Defence Day."

5 minutes had passed and we were all seated at Makan House. As usual, the crazier ones among us started rolling in with the jokes, while the rest started updating each other on the recent happenings in their lives. I did both, while at the same time trying not to get too distracted by the smses I was exchanging with someone. Who else if not my elder cousin who's in NS right now?

(Smart, Maman. Smart.)

"Bro, kau tau tak niari ada apa2 event involving both CD ngan Ampai?"
(Bro, do you know if there're any events involving both CD and Police Force?)

"Asal eh?"
(Why?)

"Member2 aku tak turun pasal diorang cakap ada event NS. Betul eh?"
(My friends aren't around as they said they have an NS event to attend. Is it true?)

"Kalau ada takkan aku kat umah sekarang?"
(Would I be at home now if there were one?)

"Hmmm, nak tipu dengan si penipu. Tak pakai otak betul!" I said to myself. Then on I kept looking at Ana as I contemplated telling her that the "NS-related event" was a lie. I finally decided against it.

6:59pm.

We ate. We joked. We laughed. We snapped photos. The boys smoked. The girls snapped even more photos.

These are the same things we do year after year after year during such gatherings, so I shall spare you the details! Haha!

After the meal, and after we parted ways with the 2 Nads (Nadhirah & Nadeera), the rest of us slowly walked towards Lavender MRT (we were all full lah!) for the second part of the night (which is also a yearly routine): GEYLANG SERAI!

Oh, but before that... Just as we were about to enter the underpass which led to the MRT Station, guess who we bumped into?? That's right: The boys! Why and how did they end up being there? Read on, I'll tell you all about it later.

The crowd. The bright lights. The smell of grilled food filling the air. The crowd. The bargains. The traffic jam. The crowd.

What else is new with Geylang Serai during this period? Haha! I love going to Geylang Serai during the fasting month, especially towards the end of the month where the bargains are to die for, and... well, the bargains are to die for!!! Haha!!!

The outing to Geylang with the peeps was, however, tiring and unfruitful. All we did was walk one BIG round. (Oh btw, thanks for the drink, Ana)

We started at Paya Lebar MRT. We ended at Paya Lebar MRT. All that in slightly over an hour. Who goes to Geylang Serai for one pathetic hour?! It's as good as not going at all! But wait, not all was lost though. I did get something out of the big "after-meal walk": GUAVA!

(I've been craving for it for months, so you know I enjoyed every bite of it!)

After that, we went BACK to Arab Street where the remainder of us (Rose, Farhan, Sanah, Ana & Mus had to take their leave after Geylang) went shisha-ing at Al-Majlis. Alright, now this part of the night was fun. No, make that lots of fun!

The drinks were good, the desserts were good (though by Tammi's standard they're still quite tame) and the 3 hours there was well spent. Oh, we also played 2 rounds of Dare-Blackjack, where everyone would write a dare on a piece of paper and have them all placed in an empty glass. The loser of each round would then have to pick out a dare from the lot and perform the task written on the paper, whatever it may be, and boy of boy, that sure was where the fun (and grotesque) began.

Let's just say the dares included pole-dancing, catwalks, imitations of the "Beautiul Liar" video, nose-digging, and of course, what game of Dare would be complete without a round of gay-kissing or two? Haha! Oh, and credits go out to Jehan for writing that gay-kiss dare. Haha!

We left at around 2:30am or so. All in all, I kinda had fun, though during the shisha session, I did sense some bad vibes coming from one (or two) of the boys. I shan't name names, but you guys know who you are. It was apparent that there were lots of acting and pretending with regards to this boy (or boys) being comfortable around me, now that everyone knows of my orientation.

Come on lah, how can you possibly out-act someone who has had years of training in acting and actually worked in the theatre industry before?! Like, get real for a moment lah!

(Okay, Maman's in an extremely bitchy mood now. Hold on tight.)

There's a good reason why I openly display my blog's URL on my MSN nick, and it's meant to serve the purpose of letting those who have no idea of my orientation know of it without me having to actually look them in the eyes and say "Look, I'm bi."

So to address the vibes I felt coming from you guys... Boys, I've known each and every one of you for almost 8 years now. I've always regarded you as friends, and I still do, but...

Just because I came out doesn't mean I wanna hump you, assholes!!!

If I had wanted to, I'd have drugged your drinks and fucked each and every single one of your asses till I'm dry way back in Sec 3 when you guys would hang out at my place and watch porn!

Like, HEELLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

(But wait, I was still a virgin then. Oh well, you know what I mean!)

Seriously, you boys need a lot of growing up to do. Notice how I reffered to you as "boys" and not "men"? Go figure!

Oh, and you peeps wanna know how those boys ended up at Lavender MRT, just as the rest of us were about to head down to Geylang Serai???

Okay, here's how it goes. A week before the gathering, Ana and I were doing the planning and we were thinking of a suitable location to break our fast. Ana had mentioned that a particular someone (I ain't naming names. He knows who he is.) had suggested that we broke fast at Beach Road.

Ana and I didn't mind the food there, although, how're we gonna find seats to accomodate the near-twenty of us in the group? Worse, what if there weren't enough seats for us all? And so we decided against the idea based on our worry of the potential lack of seats.

So why were they at Lavender? Simple. They lied to us all and went ahead with their (or should I say his) plan and broke fast at Beach Road instead.

Now look, if you really insist on breaking fast at Beach Road, then by all means go ahead. But why lie? Was there a need to? You could have just said "Look, we really wanna break our fast at Beach Road, so we won't be joining you guys at Arab Street. Shall we meet up at Paya Lebar MRT instead?"

See how much difference a little honesty (not to mention courtesy) makes? We ain't your parents and we know we can't hold you back from doing whatever you want, but keep in mind that our plan was not based on personal interest, rather, the convenience of everyone in the group.

What would've happened if there weren't enough seats to accomodate us all, even if we all sat in tables of 6? There'll be another lashing like what happened during your Hari Raya gathering last year, something I'm really glad I gave a miss (especially after hearing all that happened then).

We (Ana & I) didn't turn down your suggestion without giving it a lick of thought. We did take the suggestion into serious consideration. I'm sorry we ultimately went for the safe choice of a restaurant where we could actually reserve seats for us all. Heck, why should I even apologize?! You should thank us for taking the initiative of planning!

Just like the rest of us, Ana & I lead busy and stressful lives. She's tied down with her studies in NUS and I'm tied down with my family business, but YET, we still took it in our own accord to plan something. What in the fucking hell did you do?!

Hello, I actually left my poor aunt to handle the shop for 1 1/2 hours just to walk around Arab Street in the scorching hot afternoon sun in search of a suitable place for us all to fucking gather!

We even had to give certain places (with better ambience and food) a miss because we know how stingy you mothafuckin' misers are when it comes to forkin out money, even if it's for your own fuckin appetite and tummies!

So, if this is your perfect idea of a fucking "thank you" to both Ana and I, then I say you better give your kindergarten teacher a tight slap across the kisser for not teaching you the concept of honesty, or a sense of appreciation for that matter!

Grow up, boys! That's what NS is supposed to do! I guess you're very much beyond help huh? Get a psychie. Perangai buruk lama tak hilang-hilang! I'm so glad I gave your chalet thingy a miss too. And now I'm seriously considering giving the Hari Raya gathering a miss. I've got better things to do than to bother myself with such drama. I could use one less problem in my life right now. Ugh!~

(Maman lights up a cigarette)

Aaaaah... Okay, I'm fine now. :)

P/S: If any of you boys aren't the slightest bit happy by what I said, then I guess you should start dealing with it, cos at least I'm honest enough to let you fuckers know how I feel!

New Playlist

2007-09-29T01:22:00.000+08:00

I've embedded a new playlist consisting of the hottest R&B/Hip-Hop tracks as well as some nice Covers. Well, I'm sure you've noticed the change by now lah, that is, unless your speakers' not working properly, or well... you're plain deaf!

Omg I'm in such a bitchy mood tonight! I sooo need some sleep!

Anyway, I can't get Whatever You Like out of my head! Though the beginning of the song is uncannily similar to Blindfold Me, it's still so catchy, and it's really making me itch to club again! (3 more weeks! 3 more weeksss!!!)

I've been looking all night,
Wanna kiss you one time
Mommy do what you like
Go head pull it pull it pull it

First you gotta get it right
I can love you long time
I become a big crime
Then i'll pull it pull it pull it

What she want it uptight
I promise a goodnight
Girl, you're gonna sleep tight
When I pull it pull it pull it

Wanna look at your eyes
When you get the big prize
Gonna give it a kind
When I pull it pull it pull it

With lyrics and a killer beat like that, how can you not love this song?

Claire Strikes Again!

2007-09-28T17:10:00.000+08:00

Claire: I hate my arms.
Maman: Why? Are they wobbly like jello?
Claire: Yeah, now I feel like J-lo.
Maman: What's that supposed to mean??
Claire: No, you said my arms are like jello right? So I say they're now like J-lo! Get it? Jello, J-lo? Get it get it get it?
Maman: ...
Claire: Say something, bitch!
Maman: That was so fucking lame I don't even know how to respond to that!

Claire: Yeah, it was lame, but it was witty too right right right???
Maman: How can something be witty and lame at the same time?!
Claire: I'm such a blond.

Hahahaha!!! You finally admitted to being a blonde!!! Well, I have my moments too lah ah! Hehe! ;)

Live The Dream

2007-09-28T16:15:00.000+08:00

Was at Mediacorp TV Studio with Mom and a few other family members on Wednesday to give (more like scream) our fullest (moral and financial) support to my cousin Haris and his band, Catsinecradle, who are, as of right now, in the top 6 of the Live The Dream competition.

(This is where you go "Oh, so his cousin's in Catsinecradle. Okay, I shall be a good, supportive friend and vote for Cats next Wednesday!")

Aaanyway, the crowd was... loud. No, really, it was excruciating. The Pinoys behind me couldn't stop screaming "Robert! Robert!!!" even when the other contestants were singing on stage! Like, hellooooo.... That doesn't even qualify as a form of reverse psychology, mind you! Ugh!

While I attentively listened to the other contestants do their thang on stage (though the cheers were extremely distracting), the bloody (single and very much available) gayboy in me just couldn't stop oogling at the cute boys in the house! Yeah, talk about being distracted lahhh! Haha!

Oh oh, and speaking of Robert, let me tell you... Has he got the sexiest voice I've ever heard! If you thought he sounded good on TV, wait till you see him Live. He is sooo fucking good! And yes Tammi, as much as I hate to admit this, his voice is sexier than Eli's. I know, I know, slap my gorgeous face for saying that!

And oooooooh... How can I forget Utt? Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh Utt.... Ooooooooooohhhhhhhhh UTT.... Erm, okay I better move on before I lose my track of thoughts! Yeeeeaaah... Haha!

Oh oh oh and one more thing, though I'm really glad that After The Rain's finally eliminated, I must say that their bassist is so fucking cute!!! From where I was sitting, which was about 5 rows from the front, he looked like a friggin geek-rocking god! And you know I have a thing for geeks, and of guys with boyish features in specs. Well, he's both! Like, yummmmm!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

Alright alright, enough about the boys, I must say that I was extremely shocked by Robert's exit from the competition. I mean, the man can sing! What about that fugly backup singer (I swear, Coco Lee's deaf!) or that Ice-Cream fella (whom I think should really just stick to selling Ice-Cream) who can't hold on to a bloody tune! And Shauna, performing Mandy Moore's cover of Umbrella and trying to pass it off as your own is sooo not cool!

What the hell is wrong with Singaporeans?! They're either deaf, or they just can't be bothered to do the right thing! Ugh!~

Oh, and while that Project Superstar guy was singing on stage (He can put that blind uncle who sings at the Orchard road underpass to shame anytime, balls! He is that fucking good!), Mom said to me "You see, I keep telling you to join these competitions but you never listened! See lah, that could be you up there!" which got my infamous rolling-of-the-eyes in return, but when Robert sang on stage for the last time, I looked at her and said "Judging by the way these people vote, that could be me up there!"

I've been waiting for this all week long!

2007-09-28T02:19:00.000+08:00

I know the title sounds overly-enthusiastic, but I just can't help it. I'm really excited about the gathering I'll be having tonight with my Secondary School friends tonight!

Oh oh, guess what? For the first time (according to Mardiana) since graduation, and that'd be 4 years ago, all 17 of us Melayus (note the "s") from the 2003 4E/4N(A) cohort will be attending our annual Ramadhan gathering where we'd break fast together, and then make a trip down to Geylang Serai!

If you're wondering why I failed to mention anything about the 4N(T) of our batch, well... Hmmm... I guess you can say that they were living in a world totally out of our solar system. I don't mean to sound rude or mean, but it's true! None of us isolated them. They isolated themselves! Right, Ana???? =P

Last year's Ramadhan gathering

Family Guy (finally) Does Star Wars

2007-09-26T20:24:00.000+08:00

I'm not a big fan of Star Wars, but this is fucking hilarious!

Part 1:

Part 2:

Part 3:

Part 4:

Part 5:

Reminiscing Innocence

2007-09-23T03:15:00.000+08:00

After a really long time, a few of my Primary Schoolmates and I finally got together for a nice chillout session at Holland V.

We chatted, we joked, we shared day-to-day experiences and problems, and at the same time, reminisced of those days of adolescence, when bubblegum-pop bands were hot and glittered pens and talcum-scented diaries were must-have accessories.

Oh those were the days, when everyone would frantically run towards the canteen at the sound of the bell, rushing through meals to squeeze in more time for fun and games. It's so funny how childish we were, squabbling over the most minute of things. Haha! We were kids. We were carefree. We were happier.

Looking back, there is absolutely nothing I regret from my childhood because kids nowadays don't even have the opportunity to experience childhood the way we did. Sad.

P/S: Next up, gathering with the Secondary School peeps this Friday! :)

Wah Lau, Claire!!!

2007-09-20T07:15:00.000+08:00

Okay, this was on MSN earlier...

Claire: Omg!!!! I read ur post on our convo last nite!!
Maman: We're hilariously dumb when we're sleepy, aren't we?
Claire: LOL! Ya ya!! Omg I totally feel like Paris!
Maman: Oh you're so not, Nicole!

(silence)

Maman: Oi, didcha die laughing or something?
Claire: No, I'm still here.
Maman: Then why the silence? Din even reply to my msg! Hmph!
Claire: But u din say anythin for me to reply to.
Maman: I did! I said "u're so not"!
Claire: Oh, I thought that was meant for your friend, Nicole.
Maman: =/

OH MY FUCKIN' LORD!!!

BABE, HOW SLOW CAN YOU GET?!?!?!?!

THAT WAS MEANT TO BE A PUN LIKE, YOU KNOW, PARIS AND NICOLE???

LIKE, FUCKIN' NICOLE RICHIE???

HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.....

EARTH-TO-CLAIRE, EARTH-TO-CLAIRE, DO YOU FUCKIN' COPY?!?!

WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

Juicy!

2007-09-20T03:53:00.000+08:00

From Tammi's Blog:

"...My goodness, I thought that Rahman was so thin he didn't have any hips, but boy, can he grind that itty bitty booty. He was originally too self-conscious to dance because he said that it would become extremely obvious that he was gay. LOL. Does it really matter darling? You're still as fab regardless.

Blondie-talk with Claire

2007-09-20T03:50:00.000+08:00

Chatted with Claire on the phone last night and well.... Urm, read on and you'll soon realize the side-effects of taking Loperamide.

Claire: I feel fat.
Maman: Really? How much did you put on?
Claire: I didn't. Actually, I lost 2.
Maman: ...
Claire: Hello?
Maman: Bitch.

Maman: At least u lost 2. I gained 4. No, it's almost 5 now!
Claire: NO WAY! Don't bluff!
Maman: I swear on my dad's life!
Claire: But you do wish he were dead!
Maman: Oh, ya ah.
Claire: Well that was redundant.

Claire: How heavy are u now?
Maman: Was 55. Now I'm almost hitting 60.
Claire: Oh my god you're so fat lah!
Maman: I'm 5 kilos underweight, dumbass.
Claire: Oh.
(Both of us then burst out laughing)

Claire: Shit, now I feel dumb lah.
Maman: Yeah, and you were from VJC too, weren't you?
Claire: Eh don't lah, now you're making me feel even dumber!
Maman: Tsk... Theatre students.
Claire: Oi! You'll be a theatre student too!
Maman Ya, in 2010!
Claire: So?
Maman: So I still have 3 more years before I'm as dumb as you!
Claire: Now that sounded dumb.

I should be asleep

2007-09-19T22:03:00.000+08:00

...but this damn diarrhoea's keepin me awake. It's almost 7 in the friggin' morning. Over the past 7 hours, I have rushed to the toilet 3 times, and I sense a 4th one coming sometime in the next half an hour or so. God I hate this!

Oh well... I might as well do some blogging since I'm still up.

Oh look, it is 7 in the friggin' morning! (rolls eyes)

Thick is IN!

2007-09-19T16:10:00.000+08:00

Over the past week, Hollywood has been obsessed with 2 words in particular - Britney's ~~Back~~ FAT!

Well I say, THICK IS IN!

Here's a list of ladies whom, in my honest opinion, exudes real beauty and sexiness in their own special ways, and not to mention, are thick in all the right places!

Britney Spears
Yes, the performance sucked. Move on already.

America Ferrera
She may be the ugliest bitch on TV, but she's earned her right of being one of the most beautiful thick actresses in Tinsel Town.

Chandra Wilson
Wonderful actress (I still can't believe she didn't get that Emmy!) who's one sexy momma!

Jennifer Hudson
Yes, how could I not include our dear Miss Hudson here?? Currently working on her debut album, I can't wait to see how this American Idol castoff cum Oscar winner awe the entire world with her powerful performance again, be it singing or acting.

Kate Winslet
She sucked in Titanic. She ruled in Finding Neverland. One thing in common, though, was that she was thick in both movies, and I don't see any reason to complain.

Mo'Nique
A hilarious big, black woman with a tongue of steel and a heart of gold. Why shouldn't I fall in love with her?

Queen Latifah
The embodiment of Big, Black Beauty. To quote Her Majesty, "It's curvation-nation, baby!"

Tyra Banks
The infamous bathing suit shot sparked her "So What?" movement which has evolved into a global phenomenon today! You may not know this, but during her illustrious career as a Victoria's Secret Model, she was the biggest physically, and she was the biggest financially! She sold more lingeries than all the other models combined!

Tina Knowles
Her body is a work of beauty, literally and metaphorically. Momma Tina has rightfully earned a place in the list of sexiest Mommas alive! She sure is a MILF, and that is a compliment if I may add!

Beyonce Knowles
Need I say more?

Tammi
She's got the height. She's got the charm. She's got T&A, and she's got hips that (most certainly) don't lie. Plus, she's a certified fag-hag too! Woots!~

Maman-Is-Notably-Definitely-Exceptionally-Fucked (MINDEF)

2007-09-19T13:45:00.000+08:00

Okay, it's official. MINDEF screwed me up.

Why is it that my dear friend and fellow-bitch, Freddy (you know I love you, boy!), who is also diagnosed with the same heart condition as I am, is smacked (or blessed, whichever way you wanna see it) with a Pesc-F status whereas I, on the other hand, is smacked (in this case, it's not a blessing!) with a goddamn Pesc-E9L9 status?!?!

Do you know what the hell that means?! It means I STILL have to serve my bloody National Service, and that also means I have to wait till 2010 before I can finally go back to school again!

THIS IS SO FUCKING UNFAIR!!! I WANNA GO BACK TO SCHOOL NOWWWW!!!!

Death in The Rear.

2007-09-19T13:30:00.000+08:00

Been down with diarrhoea for the past few days. I initially thought that, like most of my other ailments, it'll naturally recover and that I'll be fine in a matter of days, but nooooo... Seems to me that the damn diarrhoea is as stubborn as I am!

Bleah~

But despite the constant tummy pain (I even joked with granny and told her that I must be having menstrual cramps. Hehe! Yes, I can even find time for humour even under the most awkward (and stingingly painful) circumstances!), I still fulfilled my responsibility as a Muslim and continued fasting albeit granny's concern that it might aggravate the situation. Nah, I'm a survivor. I can handle a little (or more) pain.

On the upside though, my uncle insisted that I stay home and rest, and that I shouldn't think about business. My aunt then called and said that I don't have to be at (either of) the shop(s) tomorrow, and that I should just stay home till I feel much better.

Okay I'm just gonna say it - YAY!

Haha! But nah, being the wonderful nephew that I am (well, sometimes) I shall go right back to business tomorrow. Yeah, the tummy still hurts a little, but I think I can handle it. I've been through worse anyway.

Before I go off to bed

2007-09-17T19:07:00.000+08:00

...I just need to ask the one question I've been asking myself for the past 7 days.

"How can someone so smart succumb to something so stupid???"

Eyes. Ears. A brain. A heart. God blessed you with these for a reason. Use them!

Random Ramblings

2007-09-17T18:55:00.000+08:00

Why is it so hard for everyone to believe that I REALLY am taking a break from clubbing in respect of the holy fasting month of Ramadhan?

Sheesh, you people!~

An Update: The L-Word

2007-09-17T18:50:00.000+08:00

Love.

Love love love love love.

Sweet sweet love.

Fuck Love.

"Don't let someone become a priority in your life, when you are just an option in theirs."

An Update: Work

2007-09-17T18:45:00.000+08:00

Well hello hello hello!

For those who have been pestering me for an update, rejoice! (Yes I'm talking to you, Lynn, Leicester and Jerry!)

Okay okay, and so the bitch is blogging again, and I'm pretty sure you must be wondering what I've been up to for the past 2 months, right? Right.

Well, I've been really busy co-running my family's business with my uncle. Yes, they finally got me! I've been avoiding this situation since I graduated from secondary school, but after much persuasion, I finally decided to live up to my status of being the family's pride and joy and be a part of this humble family business which, over the past 5 years (since its establishment), has grown so much into what it is today.

It's a far cry from that small (more like puny) shop at that little corner in Arab Street selling non-alcoholic perfumes 5 years ago. We're selling more than just that now! What else do we sell? Well, everything and anything Melayu, really.

(Oh, did I mention? My eldest aunt recently tendered her resignation and will soon be starting a business of her own and she wants me to help her start it up. And oh, I'm also running my youngest aunt's cookies-and-cakes home-business. Hari Raya's around the corner, remember? And so, yes, we're selling cookies and cakes too! Uh, I'll provide more details on that soon, I promise.)

God it's hard being the pride and joy of the family!

What to do... First grandson mah.... Apple of my grandparents' eyes mahh... Most beloved nephew mahhh.... The man who's gonna take over and run the company one day mahhhh....

Bleah~

"Why the heck did you quit business school when you're already a businessman?!"

- Lynn.

Random Ramblings

2007-08-14T16:01:00.000+08:00

Missed me, anyone?

Well Well Well...

2007-07-29T22:27:00.000+08:00

Guess who still keeps a picture of yours truly in his locker???

Hur hur hur...

...I am still laughing my ass off!

Do You Wanna Dance?

2007-07-06T21:50:00.000+08:00

Just as the picture and my (sizzling hot) new playlist would suggest, I miss clubbing. No really, I do.

Was thinking of making my big return (after my 2-week hiatus) to Powerhouse this Sunday, but I have a Kenduri (feasting celebration) at home, and you know I have to play host, which means that I'll be running around a lot once the prayer-part of the celebrations end, which then cues for the start of the feasting-part of the night!

Aww dang! And I still have no idea who my grandparents invited to the celebrations (besides my family)! One thing I'm certain of is that the house is gonna be packed with people, but for how long... that's something I can never predict. Double dang!

Hmmm... We'll see how things go lah. If I'm not too tired, I might just drop by Powerhouse. If not then I'd have to wait till next week.

Then again, I could always drop by Play tonight. Hehe! Like I said, we'll see how it goes. (But do holler at me if anyone wants to club tonight! Hehe!)

You Don't Wear My Chains

2007-07-06T21:09:00.000+08:00

As I'm typing this entry, I'm sneering. Why? Look over at the sidebar. No one has yet to attempt on my quiz, even though it has more than 20 views on it already. Hur hur hur... If it's anything, I'm happy. Yes, I'm a cynic. I know. Why am I happy, you may wonder?

You thought you knew me, but all along you had no idea who I really was. And it is now a proven fact!

Oh, and by "you", I'm referring to each and every one out there who've had nothing better to do than to bitch and spread cock-and-bull stories about myself. Yes, I'm referring to you people... Hmmm, anyone felt a pinch there? Hur hur hur...

So instead of running that foul, rotten mouth (mints, anyone?), inject yourselves with more integrity and actually get to know the person you're bitching about, rather than to pass judgement on a complete stranger. Oh the irony! Haha!

Up yours, bitches!!

This is the song, lala lala, Maman's song...

More Than Meets The Eye

2007-07-06T20:52:00.000+08:00

If you have yet to catch Transformers (the movie), I have 3 words for you: Believe The Hype!

As a kid, I wasn't really a big fan of the animated series. Yes I'd watch it every now and then, but I didn't really dig the series. Now the movie, on the other hand, is a different story altogether. I loved every second of it! Yes I succumbed to the hype, and boy oh boy, it sure did pay off!

Initially, I didn't really have my hopes high on the movie being that entertaining at all. To be frank, I thought it'd be just as dull and humourless as the series, but all that proven wrong, and you can have my word for it!

Go catch it while it's still screening in cinemas everywhere. If not, wait for the DVD. Better stil, go catch it now and get the DVD later when it's released!

Jello

2007-07-04T20:04:00.000+08:00

That is what your legs feel like after cooping yourself up in the house for 11 consecutive days, and that was exactly what my legs felt like when I finally decided to step out of the house!

I tell you, I have never felt so self-conscious about the way I walked before! It was so weird lah, having that little voice in your head repeating the lines "Eh.. Steady now.. Balance.. Balance.." and "Oh shit, is anyone looking at me for the wrong reasons?" almost every other minute! A total deja vu moment of myself when I first came out of the closet 3 years ago! I felt so twink-ish lah! Oh my god, si bei tak glam can?!

Note to self: The next time you (I) come out of isolation, warm your (my) skinny chopstick legs up first! Goodness!!!

But at the end of the day, despite the jello (not J-Lo) and the "Uh-oh, I think my legs' about to cramp up" moments, it was all damn worth it.

Anyway, my first stop was Vivo where I had to settle some stuff. After which I went for a haircut at HarbourFront Centre. Was deciding which salon to try out before finally deciding on Jean Yip, cos' all the other salons were charging kazoos! Heck, even Supercut, which is internationally recognised mind you, costs cheaper! Bleah~

Oh, and I think I've outgrown the phase of having funky (and somewhat outrageous) hairstyles. For the first time in over a year, I decided to get myself a simple cut-and-wash without any fancy requests whatsoever. Just a simple high-slope on the sides and a trim on the top. (This is where you go "Waaahhhhhhh....")

Unlike before, I no longer feel that I need a fancy haircut to stand out from everyone else because from what I've come to realise, it was my spontaneous out-going personality, and the fact that I'm an all-out a nice guy (unless you step on my tail of course) that all along was, and still is the reason why I'm blessed to have certain individuals who never fail to shower me with their undying love, care and concern. They've always loved me even back when I was spotting that Armani 'do, so why would they not now, right?

Hur hur.. Talk about a revitalizing boost of self-esteem huh?

Moving on, I then rushed down to Plaza Sing where I was to meet Frederick for a movie. Okay, we initially planned to catch the 8:00pm show at Orchard Cine but because I was running late (much due to the traffic jam which stretched from Telok Blangah Road all the way to Jalan Membina!), and knowing that we couldn't make it in time to have dinner before catching the show, we decided to catch the 8:45 show at Plaza Sing, but since they were only left with front row seats for that particular slot, we ended up catching the 9:10 show instead. Oh, and even then, we were seated at the third row from the screen! Bleah~

After getting the tickets, we 2 hungry monsters (okay okay, I was more hungry than he was) then searched for a nice place for dinner, but because it was literally packed everywhere, we decided to walk over to The Cathay for a nice meal at Billy Bombers. That was when it struck us, "Since we're having dinner at The Cathay, why didn't we think of catching the movie there in the first place?!"

That was a classic "Arbish!" moment for us both, but it's so funny lah! Blur-like-sotong much? Hehe.

As always, the meal at Bombers was alright. Decided not to order my usual classic B53 burger though. Was in the mood to try something new, but knowing damn well how indecisive I am when it comes to ordering food, it took me ages before I finally settled for the Mixed Grill. By then my tummy was already roaring like a timpani roll! And the fact that my food took so long (seriously, mine came 15 minutes after Fred's Fish & Fries was served!) made that timpani roll seem more like a long sustained note!

Okay, what's with me suddenly using musical terms I was more familiar with during my band days as adjectives? Hmmm... Must be because Stabat Mater Dolorosa's on repeat mode right now! Hehe. Well aaaaanyway...

When my Mixed Grill was finally served (god bless the Nepalese boy who served me), I spared no time in enjoying the Turkey Steak, Sirloin Steak and Jumbo Hotdog! Oh oh oh, and speaking of the Jumbo Hotdog, Fred and I had a back-and-forth moment revolving around innuendos and puns. C'mon, what's a meal without a good sexual pun, right right right?? Haha!

Okay okay, when we stepped into the restaurant, I glanced upon this SPG minah and her Ang Moh boyfriend, and was basically looking at what they were having lah. And then I noticed that the Ang Moh had a jumbo Hotdog on his plate, so when I decided not to have the B53, I thoroughly looked through the menu in search of the dish which had the Jumbo Hotdog in it lah! And and...

Fred: So what're you having?
Me: Dunch know lei. Just know I saw that Ang Moh with the Jumbo Hotdog.
Fred: (Chuckles)
Me: Huh? What's so funny? (beat) Ehh... Ooh! Hehe... Oops! What I meant was, I saw that Ang Moh having a Jumbo Hotdog!
Fred: (Continues Chuckling)
Me: Oh my god, so salah! Haha!

So anyway, bottom line is, I enjoyed the food and I enjoyed the milkshake! No wait, make that a malt shake, or as how I described it to Fred, "Vanilla Milkshake with Horlicks!"

But I must say though, the one thing that I really hate about eating at Bombers is the fact that by the time I'm done with my meal and milkshake, I'd always end up too full for desserts, and you know I can never go to a reataurant and not order desserts! Hmph!

Hehe... Okay, enough about that. Anywho, once we were done with dinner, we then made our way back to Plaza Sing (yes, I know. "Arbish!") for our movie, but more on that in my next post! :)

Hello, world. It's nice to see you again.

The Moment You've Been Waiting For

2007-07-04T05:50:00.000+08:00

11 days

...of tears...

...of self-hatred...

...of isolation...

...of hell...

And after 11 days

...of reflections...

...of more reflections...

...of further more reflections...

I HAVE SURVIVED.

...And finally...

...after 11 days...

...after 264 hours...

...after 15,840 minutes...

I'M STEPPING OUT OF THE HOUSE!!

Recess!

2007-07-04T05:28:00.000+08:00

For the past 3 days, I couldn't stop thinking about my secondary school life. My friends, my teachers, my band. The memories kept flowing like the Nile. I miss being that notorious teenager who never bothered to do his homework, and would rather attend band practice than to attend Maths tutorial, even when "O" Levels was only a few weeks away. Haha! Gee, those surely were the days. The only thing I have left are pictures and memories imprinted in my memory banks. Sigh...

These are the group of people I miss a whole lot:

The Clique:

Fond memories of the old school building.

On Prom Night (not in picture: Pei Qi)

The Class:

(Half of) The most notorious Sec 3/4 Express class
in the history of Mayflower Secondary!

The Band Peeps:

My Girls

De Xing: My Junior cum Smoking Kaki

The twins & I

My seniors Hasinah & Nany

1/3 of the band (2003)

The Mats & Minahs:

9 months ago.

Prom Night I

Prom Night II

BayBeats 2005

The Boys:

The Girls:

Other Individuals:

Me and my Glama-Mama, Hidayah!

Maman & Taufiq:
Friendship brought us together. Ego tore us apart.

Mrs. Grace Ong: The Chemistry teacher I had a huge crush on.

Got MILF?

At times I wish I could just re-visit the good ol' days at the good ol' beige building situated at Ang Mo Kio Ave 3, but fact of the matter is, they're all but distant memories now. What's left are the friendships forged in those 4 memorable years.

Okay, I officially feel old...

So You Think You Know Me?

2007-06-30T20:32:00.000+08:00

Finally, here it is... the moment of truth.

So you think Maman's life is an open book?

So you think Maman's life is a staged play?

So you think you know all that there is to know about Maman?

Well, here's your chance to prove yourself.

As you would have noticed by now, I have linked a "How well do you know me" test, and I've embedded the scoreboard on the sidebar.

Now listen up! I'm putting up an open challenge to each and every single one of you who are in my acquaintance, regardless of your position in my life! I challenge you to take up this test.

What's in it for you? Well, let me finish.

I will post a new test once every fortnight (for the uneducated, that's once every 2 weeks), and at the end of the month I will review the results for BOTH tests.

The winner of each test is determined when:

You score above 75%
Your percentage score is the highest among those in the >75% group

At the end of the month, I will invite both winners for a buffet dinner at The Hyatt Hotel's "Straits' Kitchen" as an appreciation of their depth of knowledge about me and my life. Oh, and in case it's still not clear to you yet, the dinner's on me.

Even though my financial capacity usually wouldn't allow for such extravagance (especially since I'm the breadwinner of the household), I'm still willing to put aside that sum of money for these 2 friends of mine for they have proven themselves to be worthy of such sacrifice.

What am I trying to prove, or get out of this whole test, you may wonder? Simple.

I've been hearing so many rumours about myself for the longest time (especially in the gay circle) now and to be honest, I'm so sick of hearing such myths about myself.

So, if you think you know me so goddamn well that it gives you the right to spread such malicious rumours and accusations about me, my life and my family, then I all the more dare you to take up the challenge! If you can prove to me that you know me that damn well, then I will personally grant you the authority to spread such rumours about myself, even though I know they're most certainly not true.

Yes, I'm so fucking sick and tired of people (half of whom don't even know me!) passing judgement and spreading cock-and-bull stories about things they know nothing about, that I'm willing to bring it up one notch and put my personal pride and dignity on the line!!!

You think you know me... But you have no idea!

It Has Been

2007-06-30T11:45:00.000+08:00

...7 Days since I locked myself up in the house.

...7 Days since I last took a puff.

...12 Days that I have been sober.

S H O C K E D !!!

2007-06-29T11:50:00.000+08:00

OH MY GOD !!!

Okay, I'm STILL reeling from the shock. Erm, if you wanna know (I'm sure you do), this is why...

Your True Love Is a Cancer

Why you'll love a Cancer:

Cancer's loyal and sincere heart makes your own sensitive heart melt.
Caring and devoted, a Cancer will take the lead in pursuing you - and not give up!

Why a Cancer will love you:

You're laid back enough to deal with Cancer's little mood swings and freak-outs.
A fellow homebody, you know how make Cancer comfortable and at home with you.

What Sign Is Your True Love?

Erm... Erm... HE is a Cancer...

Is it merely a coincidence,
or is it a clear indication
that you were meant for me,
just as how
I've surrendered myself to you?

Hmmm... Interesting...

2007-06-29T09:40:00.000+08:00

So birds of a feather DO flock together... Hmmm... Interesting indeed...

...And no, that's wasn't meant to be a good thing.

Hur Hur Hur

2007-06-29T08:36:00.000+08:00

Get Your Sexy Name

Hmmm... I know of people who can testify to that! Wink wink... Haha!!!

Hallellujah to that!

My Porcelain Doll

2007-06-29T08:14:00.000+08:00

Dear friend,

I totally understand and empathize with your sorry plight. I can most certainly relate to your situation for I was once in your shoes, having to constantly put on a happy and cheerful (sometimes crazy) front just so that everyone around me is happy and that the air which surrounds me is filled with no lack of positive energy.

A friend of mine once said that that is, to a certain extend, a noble deed. However, you must realize that even deeds of such nobility has its drawbacks, and that such shortcomings may often than not break your inner soul, thus turning you into a porcelain doll - beautiful on the outside, yet hollow on the inside. Furthermore, the exterior will always be threatened by its fragility and its propensity to crack, or worse, crumble into pieces.

Thus my friend, let me now pass on the same advice to you, just as it was passed to me by the same friend; Lose Yourself.

Let go of all inhibitions and be yourself. In most scenarios, you are free to let yourself be heard for that is your right as a human being. You are also entitled to let others know of how and what you feel, regardless of whether it's positive or otherwise. Moreover, if you were to see it from a different light, you'd realize that you should not shortchange or deprive the respective parties of the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth! Haha!!

In your lifetime, you'd meet 2 different types of people - those who love you, and those who hate you. This is a fact of life which no one (including you and I) can run away from, nor is it something which you can avoid happening.

Heck, you shouldn't even bother trying to please everyone, or try to be in everybody's good books because, as thick as your mask is right now, there are others whose masks are even thicker! And when you come across with such people, boy oh boy are you in for a feast made up entirely of plastic!

Trust me, I should know better. Being in the gay circle is like living in a Tupperware factory!

My point is, why bother to try and be nice to such people when they'd hold resentments towards you anyway?

So go on and run that mouth, girl. Don't let anyone (anyone!) step on your tail and get away with it scot-free! Stand up for yourself and let the whole world know that even though you can be loads of fun, you can also be a case full of poison, and that is entirely dependable on their words and actions!

I've already established myself (in the gay circle) as a no-bullshit bitch! Be kind, and you'd get kindness back in return. Step on me once, and I'll make sure it gets to where there wouldn't be any room left for you to step on me again!

Hey, I'm still very much the same chap you all know, just that now (or for the past year and a half, actually), I wouldn't hesitate to turn into that big ol' bitch and bring you down hard.

So there you go, girl. Take that mask off and let everyone love you for who you are, not how nice you are to every single person that walks into your life.

Alright now, I shall end here. Take care, friend.

Love me or hate me, it's still an obsession.
Love me or hate me, that is the question.
If you love me then thank you!
If you hate me then fuck you!

- "Love Me Or Hate Me" by Lady Sovereign

Locked Up

2007-06-27T22:45:00.000+08:00

I've been locking myself up in the house for close to 6 days now, and even though I have grown to like the peace from being away from everyone and everything, the past 6 days has also been a healing route filled with spikes and splinters, not to mention, it has been a rocky one from the start.

And after 6 days of solitude, I just want you to know that... I miss you.

...I miss you so much.

I'm Still Here.

2007-06-27T22:01:00.000+08:00

As you can see, I've finally updated my links. Anyway, if you're a random (but constant) reader of my blog and would like your blog/homepage to be linked, just holler me up at the tagboard or something aight?

Anyway, speaking of links, I came across the blog of a dear friend of mine, someone whom I was once close to. And that friend had posted an entry which I believe was meant for me, considering some of the details in the post were coincidentally similar of those in her anonymous tag, as well as the sms she sent a couple of weeks later.

Well friend, I just want you to know that I'm still here. The Maman you knew then is still the Maman you know now, only stronger and less tolerant of bullshit.

Yes, I may have moved on just as how we all (as human beings) move on from one chapter to another, but you have certainly not been forgotten.

And by the way, I know that you visit my blog on a daily basis. It's reflected on the tracker-device thiggamajig that's on my blog.

So You Think You're Discreet?

2007-06-27T21:30:00.000+08:00

For the first time in a loooooooooooooong time, I decided to update my Trevvy profile. Before I go on, I'm sure by now you'd know that I prefer Fridae to Trevvy, and that I update my Fridae account (usually) on a weekly basis.

Once I was done updating my photos and profile, I decided to browse through the profiles that were online at that time, and soon after I came across this account with the username.... Erm... Nah, I think I better not reveal the username.

Upon reading the "Extra Extra" section (in Friendster terms, "More About Me") of the profile, I suddenly had a feeling that I knew the person. Not only that, but I had a feeling that I was once close to that person. And so my curiousity led me to check out the bugger's photos.

He only had 1 photo of himself, and even that was a silhouette! First thought in my head was "Ugh, confirm discreet!"

I looked closer and closer AND CLOSER until, to my shock, I realised that the profile belonged to KS, my second ex!!!!!

"Hmmm... I thought he said he didn't have a trevvy account. As far as I can remember, he said he only had ONE gay account, which was the Fridae account he used to message me."

Luckily, just as my mind was about to mess me up big time, I brushed off all thoughts and said "Oh what the heck! So what if he has a trevvy account, and that it's been around even before I met him (which proved that he lied all along)??? He's not my boyfriend what!!! Whatever lah!!"

I then messaged him on Trevvy and revealed to him I knew the profile was his! I mean.. How can I not know?!?

Let's get real, guys. I was sleeping with that boy for 3 fuckin' months. Tell me, in the 3 months that our paths crossed, which part of his body have I not seen or entered?!

With that said, it's obvious I could tell that it was him, even though it was somewhat of a silhouette image. Furthermore, the details on the profile and his style of writing is soooo familiar, how could I not have noticed?!

Yes, that was how much I paid attention to him back then!!!

Anyway, he didn't reply to my message. Instead, when I browsed through his profile the next day, I found that the photo had been removed and replaced with a picture of a car (which, by the way, made it even more obvious! Hello, soccer and cars are his 2 loves! Like, duh?) and the "Extra Extra" portion was added with "im discreet, msg me for my pics."

Okay, I actually laughed when I saw the changes made. I mean, can you make things any more obvious to your ex that you lied all along about having a Trevvy account???

Oh oh, and when I sms-ed him "Barely 24 hours since I messaged you after finding out your trevvy account, and you've already removed your pic. Why? Too obvious for a discreet is it? Haha!", I didn't even get a reply... Even up till now, I have not gotten a respond!

As good as he was in hiding the profile from me, I must say that he really sucks at covering things up!! Perhaps it was his conscience that led him to behave in such a manner, provided he had one in the first place lah!

Aaannnyyywwwaaayyy.....

Dear Mr Chong Kuo Shiong a.k.a Joe (apparently that's what your clients call you, right?),

In the case that you're reading this entry, let me get THIS across to you in the simplest manner possible.

Look, I don't know if you hid or lied to me about anything else (besides the trevvy account) throughout the time that we were together, because honestly I can no longer give a hoot about it, but in the case that you did, I'll just leave all of that (whatever lies that I've yet to find out) hanging on your conscience, and your conscience alone.

That's all.

In The MotherHood

2007-06-27T20:45:00.000+08:00

Got to know of this online community project on The Ellen Degeneres Show. Check out the weekly webcast. They're currently on episode 5 right now.

It's pretty funny lah, especially the scene where the daughter of the lead character (the same girl who was in The King of Queens) took her first poop in a potty that's actually on sale in a hypermart! I kept smacking my forehead and couldn't stop laughing!

Alright, 'nuff said. Go check out "In The MotherHood" now!

(Oh, I've linked the website to the image above. So just click on the image to go to the webbie lah ah, but not after u've finished reading all of my updates! Hehe!)