"...maybe it's just karma. I wasted 1 year of your life. Now it's my turn to feel the pain."
"Now we're both lonely, knowing that the best love we had was the one we shared; but sadly is not a possible one."
"...thanks for the listening ear, Maman. You're still the best I had."
These were some of the messages I received from my (dearest) 2nd ex, KS. It's been almost 18 months since our break-up; and though we're both over it, we're both aware that deep down, there's no one who could possibly take the place of the other. We're both also well aware that, despite this fact, the love we once shared could never be ignited again.
It took me 12 months to get over him for he was an honest and sincere boyfriend who, despite his busy schedule, dedicated all his love and affection to me; and was one who really treasured all the love I gave to him. It's also no surprise that with him, I was able to completely let my guard down without any reservations nor hesitations.
Let's also not discount the fact that, albeit dating 4 others before him, he was the only man who was able to hold my hand and walk me out of the fears which had completely consume me; an aftermath of my break-up with Adi.
I was the first man he dated. I was the first man he got into a relationship with. I was the first man to show him what true love really is.
He was the first man to lead me out of my fears. He was the first man to heal my pain. He was the first man to make me believe in love again.
Despite having opposite personalities, I dare say that we were a match made in heaven; but sadly, the undying love we had and shared was not meant to be.
I would be lying if I were to say that my feelings for him have completely faded off. I know very well that - for a fact - that little corner in my heart will always have his name tattooed on it; regardless of how many relationships I get into in the future.
I would also never deny the fact that, given the chance, I would give everything up to have him back in my arms once again; even though I know that, one day, I will have to let him go once again.
This is probably one of the reasons why I'm still single and lonely after almost 18 months; because deep down, I know that should I finally have someone to fill the void in my heart, he would need to have all the qualities I look for - of which the standards were all set and/or raised by KS himself.
All I can do now is to pray for his happiness; that one day, he will find a girl who's worthy of his love and dedication for life. Even though I know I can make him happy. Even though I know... that that'd be the only thing to make me happy once again.
I.. I... Ugh, I think it's best that I end here. Shedding buckets full of tears is the last thing I want to do right now. I shall leave this entry with the following song.
The sad song my tears sang for 12 months.
The sad song that still plays in that little corner of my heart.
Stay With Me
by Danity Kane
Raindrops fall from everywhere
I reach out for you, but you're not there
So I stood, waiting, in the dark
With your picture in my hand
Story of a broken heart
Stay with me
Don't let me go
Cause I can't be without you
Just stay with me
And hold me close
Because I've built my world around you
And I don't wanna know what's it like without you
So stay with me
Just stay with me
I'm trying and hoping for the day
When my touch is enough
To take the pain away
Cause I've searched for so long
The answer is clear
We'll be OK if we don't let it disappear
Stay with me
Don't let me go
Cause I can't be without you
Just stay with me
And hold me close
Because I've built my world around you
And I don't wanna know what's it like without you
So stay with me
Just stay with me
I've searched my heart over
So many many times
No you-and-I is like no stars to light the sky at night
Our picture hangs out of tune
Remind me of the days
You promised me we'd always be
And never go away
That's why I need you to stay
Stay with me
Don't let me go
Cause I can't be without you
Just stay with me
And hold me close
Because I've built my world around you
And I don't wanna know what's it like without you
So stay with me
Just stay with me
Don't leave
So I stay waiting in the dark...
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