So You Think You Know Me?

Finally, here it is... the moment of truth.


So you think Maman's life is an open book?

So you think Maman's life is a staged play?

So you think you know all that there is to know about Maman?


Well, here's your chance to prove yourself.

As you would have noticed by now, I have linked a "How well do you know me" test, and I've embedded the scoreboard on the sidebar.

Now listen up! I'm putting up an open challenge to each and every single one of you who are in my acquaintance, regardless of your position in my life! I challenge you to take up this test.

What's in it for you? Well, let me finish.

I will post a new test once every fortnight (for the uneducated, that's once every 2 weeks), and at the end of the month I will review the results for BOTH tests.

The winner of each test is determined when:

• You score above 75%
• Your percentage score is the highest among those in the >75% group

At the end of the month, I will invite both winners for a buffet dinner at The Hyatt Hotel's "Straits' Kitchen" as an appreciation of their depth of knowledge about me and my life. Oh, and in case it's still not clear to you yet, the dinner's on me.

Even though my financial capacity usually wouldn't allow for such extravagance (especially since I'm the breadwinner of the household), I'm still willing to put aside that sum of money for these 2 friends of mine for they have proven themselves to be worthy of such sacrifice.

What am I trying to prove, or get out of this whole test, you may wonder? Simple.

I've been hearing so many rumours about myself for the longest time (especially in the gay circle) now and to be honest, I'm so sick of hearing such myths about myself.

So, if you think you know me so goddamn well that it gives you the right to spread such malicious rumours and accusations about me, my life and my family, then I all the more dare you to take up the challenge! If you can prove to me that you know me that damn well, then I will personally grant you the authority to spread such rumours about myself, even though I know they're most certainly not true.

Yes, I'm so fucking sick and tired of people (half of whom don't even know me!) passing judgement and spreading cock-and-bull stories about things they know nothing about, that I'm willing to bring it up one notch and put my personal pride and dignity on the line!!!

You think you know me... But you have no idea!

It Has Been

...7 Days since I locked myself up in the house.

...7 Days since I last took a puff.

...12 Days that I have been sober.

S H O C K E D !!!

OH MY GOD !!!

Okay, I'm STILL reeling from the shock. Erm, if you wanna know (I'm sure you do), this is why...

Your True Love Is a Cancer

Why you'll love a Cancer: Cancer's loyal and sincere heart makes your own sensitive heart melt. Caring and devoted, a Cancer will take the lead in pursuing you - and not give up! Why a Cancer will love you: You're laid back enough to deal with Cancer's little mood swings and freak-outs. A fellow homebody, you know how make Cancer comfortable and at home with you.

What Sign Is Your True Love?

Erm... Erm... HE is a Cancer...



Is it merely a coincidence,
or is it a clear indication
that you were meant for me,
just as how
I've surrendered myself to you?

Hmmm... Interesting...

So birds of a feather DO flock together... Hmmm... Interesting indeed...

...And no, that's wasn't meant to be a good thing.

Hur Hur Hur

Get Your Sexy Name

Hmmm... I know of people who can testify to that! Wink wink... Haha!!!

Hallellujah to that!

My Porcelain Doll

Dear friend,

I totally understand and empathize with your sorry plight. I can most certainly relate to your situation for I was once in your shoes, having to constantly put on a happy and cheerful (sometimes crazy) front just so that everyone around me is happy and that the air which surrounds me is filled with no lack of positive energy.

A friend of mine once said that that is, to a certain extend, a noble deed. However, you must realize that even deeds of such nobility has its drawbacks, and that such shortcomings may often than not break your inner soul, thus turning you into a porcelain doll - beautiful on the outside, yet hollow on the inside. Furthermore, the exterior will always be threatened by its fragility and its propensity to crack, or worse, crumble into pieces.

Thus my friend, let me now pass on the same advice to you, just as it was passed to me by the same friend; Lose Yourself.

Let go of all inhibitions and be yourself. In most scenarios, you are free to let yourself be heard for that is your right as a human being. You are also entitled to let others know of how and what you feel, regardless of whether it's positive or otherwise. Moreover, if you were to see it from a different light, you'd realize that you should not shortchange or deprive the respective parties of the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth! Haha!!

In your lifetime, you'd meet 2 different types of people - those who love you, and those who hate you. This is a fact of life which no one (including you and I) can run away from, nor is it something which you can avoid happening.

Heck, you shouldn't even bother trying to please everyone, or try to be in everybody's good books because, as thick as your mask is right now, there are others whose masks are even thicker! And when you come across with such people, boy oh boy are you in for a feast made up entirely of plastic!

Trust me, I should know better. Being in the gay circle is like living in a Tupperware factory!

My point is, why bother to try and be nice to such people when they'd hold resentments towards you anyway?

So go on and run that mouth, girl. Don't let anyone (anyone!) step on your tail and get away with it scot-free! Stand up for yourself and let the whole world know that even though you can be loads of fun, you can also be a case full of poison, and that is entirely dependable on their words and actions!

I've already established myself (in the gay circle) as a no-bullshit bitch! Be kind, and you'd get kindness back in return. Step on me once, and I'll make sure it gets to where there wouldn't be any room left for you to step on me again!

Hey, I'm still very much the same chap you all know, just that now (or for the past year and a half, actually), I wouldn't hesitate to turn into that big ol' bitch and bring you down hard.

So there you go, girl. Take that mask off and let everyone love you for who you are, not how nice you are to every single person that walks into your life.

Alright now, I shall end here. Take care, friend.


Love me or hate me, it's still an obsession.
Love me or hate me, that is the question.
If you love me then thank you!
If you hate me then fuck you!

- "Love Me Or Hate Me" by Lady Sovereign

Locked Up

I've been locking myself up in the house for close to 6 days now, and even though I have grown to like the peace from being away from everyone and everything, the past 6 days has also been a healing route filled with spikes and splinters, not to mention, it has been a rocky one from the start.

And after 6 days of solitude, I just want you to know that... I miss you.

...I miss you so much.

I'm Still Here.

As you can see, I've finally updated my links. Anyway, if you're a random (but constant) reader of my blog and would like your blog/homepage to be linked, just holler me up at the tagboard or something aight?

Anyway, speaking of links, I came across the blog of a dear friend of mine, someone whom I was once close to. And that friend had posted an entry which I believe was meant for me, considering some of the details in the post were coincidentally similar of those in her anonymous tag, as well as the sms she sent a couple of weeks later.

Well friend, I just want you to know that I'm still here. The Maman you knew then is still the Maman you know now, only stronger and less tolerant of bullshit.

Yes, I may have moved on just as how we all (as human beings) move on from one chapter to another, but you have certainly not been forgotten.

And by the way, I know that you visit my blog on a daily basis. It's reflected on the tracker-device thiggamajig that's on my blog.

So You Think You're Discreet?

For the first time in a loooooooooooooong time, I decided to update my Trevvy profile. Before I go on, I'm sure by now you'd know that I prefer Fridae to Trevvy, and that I update my Fridae account (usually) on a weekly basis.

Once I was done updating my photos and profile, I decided to browse through the profiles that were online at that time, and soon after I came across this account with the username.... Erm... Nah, I think I better not reveal the username.

Upon reading the "Extra Extra" section (in Friendster terms, "More About Me") of the profile, I suddenly had a feeling that I knew the person. Not only that, but I had a feeling that I was once close to that person. And so my curiousity led me to check out the bugger's photos.

He only had 1 photo of himself, and even that was a silhouette! First thought in my head was "Ugh, confirm discreet!"

I looked closer and closer AND CLOSER until, to my shock, I realised that the profile belonged to KS, my second ex!!!!!

"Hmmm... I thought he said he didn't have a trevvy account. As far as I can remember, he said he only had ONE gay account, which was the Fridae account he used to message me."

Luckily, just as my mind was about to mess me up big time, I brushed off all thoughts and said "Oh what the heck! So what if he has a trevvy account, and that it's been around even before I met him (which proved that he lied all along)??? He's not my boyfriend what!!! Whatever lah!!"

I then messaged him on Trevvy and revealed to him I knew the profile was his! I mean.. How can I not know?!?

Let's get real, guys. I was sleeping with that boy for 3 fuckin' months. Tell me, in the 3 months that our paths crossed, which part of his body have I not seen or entered?!

With that said, it's obvious I could tell that it was him, even though it was somewhat of a silhouette image. Furthermore, the details on the profile and his style of writing is soooo familiar, how could I not have noticed?!

Yes, that was how much I paid attention to him back then!!!

Anyway, he didn't reply to my message. Instead, when I browsed through his profile the next day, I found that the photo had been removed and replaced with a picture of a car (which, by the way, made it even more obvious! Hello, soccer and cars are his 2 loves! Like, duh?) and the "Extra Extra" portion was added with "im discreet, msg me for my pics."

Okay, I actually laughed when I saw the changes made. I mean, can you make things any more obvious to your ex that you lied all along about having a Trevvy account???

Oh oh, and when I sms-ed him "Barely 24 hours since I messaged you after finding out your trevvy account, and you've already removed your pic. Why? Too obvious for a discreet is it? Haha!", I didn't even get a reply... Even up till now, I have not gotten a respond!

As good as he was in hiding the profile from me, I must say that he really sucks at covering things up!! Perhaps it was his conscience that led him to behave in such a manner, provided he had one in the first place lah!


Aaannnyyywwwaaayyy.....


Dear Mr Chong Kuo Shiong a.k.a Joe (apparently that's what your clients call you, right?),

In the case that you're reading this entry, let me get THIS across to you in the simplest manner possible.

Look, I don't know if you hid or lied to me about anything else (besides the trevvy account) throughout the time that we were together, because honestly I can no longer give a hoot about it, but in the case that you did, I'll just leave all of that (whatever lies that I've yet to find out) hanging on your conscience, and your conscience alone.

That's all.

In The MotherHood

Got to know of this online community project on The Ellen Degeneres Show. Check out the weekly webcast. They're currently on episode 5 right now.

It's pretty funny lah, especially the scene where the daughter of the lead character (the same girl who was in The King of Queens) took her first poop in a potty that's actually on sale in a hypermart! I kept smacking my forehead and couldn't stop laughing!

Alright, 'nuff said. Go check out "In The MotherHood" now!


(Oh, I've linked the website to the image above. So just click on the image to go to the webbie lah ah, but not after u've finished reading all of my updates! Hehe!)

Ballsy Cutesy

If you've seen the latest S-League promo ad that's been on air for the past few days, I'm sure you'd moreorless understand exactly what I'm about to say.

The China boy is sooooooo cute lahhh!!!

Haha! For those of you who have no clue (or, can't be bothered) whatsoever about the developments of the S-League (like me), let me list out the boy's details and stats, and then let's compare it to mine.
(Oh btw, I desperately searched for an image of the boy, but sadly I could not get any at the moment)

Name: Liu Huoming
Club: Liaoning Guangyuan FC
Jersey No: 14
Position: MF (erm, that's "midfielder" if I'm not wrong)
Date of Birth: 4 November 1987 (Woots! We're the same age!)
Height: 179cm
Weight: 70kg

Alright, now it's my turn.

Name: Maman
Club: Powerhouse, St. James Power Station (Hehe!)
Jersey No: 21 (My birthday lah!)
Position: Top! (Hur hur hur)
Date of Birth: 21 May 1987
Height: 178cm
Weight: 55kg

For someone who's almost has the same height as me, he's pretty heavy to be an athlete. Or perhaps I'm just too skinny. Either way, it doesn't matter. Bottom line is he's so fucking cute! Like, sooooo fucking cute lah!

Okay you know I love cheena-piangs right... With that said, how can I resist drooling over a cute cheena-piang from China?! Hehe!

Departure of The Rabbid Wolverine

I am deeply saddened and shocked over the demise of one of the most respected wrestlers in the WWE, Chris Benoit. He was only 40. What's even more shocking to me is the cause of death. Investigators have classified the death as a double homicide-cum-suicide!

It is apparently believed that Benoit killed both his wife and 7-year old son on Sunday, before taking his own life the next day.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who share this sentiment, but I'd never expect such an outcome from someone like Benoit. I mean, yes, he's usually straight-faced on-air (to uphold his reputation as the rabbid wolverine) but outside the ring, he's been described as a funny and loving person.

I had the honour of meeting him during an autograph session 5 years ago at Suntec City where he, along with Torrie Wilson and Tajiri were in town to promote the Smackdown Tour (that was the one with The Rock VS Chris Jericho as the main event). Though the moment was brief, it was memorable as it was the first time in the (then) 13 years since I started watching wrestling that I actually got to meet a Superstar. Or in this instance, three!

One of the best technical wrestlers to ever step foot in the ring, Benoit's passing will definitely be a great loss to the professional wrestling industry. To add on, his passing couldn't come as a worst time.

For the uninformed, one of the best female managers of all time, The Sensational Sherri Martel, passed away on June 15th 2007. She was 49.

May the souls of the 2 icons rest in peace.

Untitled.

Love that lives in the heart
cannot be erased with time.

No one can change the direction
of love that lives in the heart.

Even if the encounter is brief,
its impression shall last a lifetime.

If you have loved,
then you'd know that that,
in itself, is ...the answer.

- From the movie "Bishonen"

Maman: Frozen and Lifeless.

Left alone in a room of despair,
Left with nothing but a constant glare.
Fighting the urge to cry,
Having thoughts on how to die.

Hiding all pain from eyes that see,
How disgusted and hard I am on me.
Trapped in the atmosphere of my brain's walls,
Constantly noting all logic that falls.

Wanting a crowd yet no freedom I taste,
For in my mind, it's knowledge I can't waste.
Loneliness and despair won't last long in my head,
For insanity will come first, and then, I'll be dead.

...things will never be the same again.

I Saw This Coming

The Bottom Line
Today you may be having some anti-romance feelings. Get some time on your own.

In Detail
As a concept, love may be important to you right now, but you may be having some anti-romance feelings today. It would be wise for you to avoid any cooing couples -- they are likely to get on your very last nerve. But try not to get too angry at the people who don't know any better than to act as though the rest of the world doesn't exist. Instead, go off on your own and enjoy a break from hearts and flowers. Treat yourself to some luxurious solitude.


Alas, in solitude I shall resign. To mend this heart; a heart destitute of spirit. A heart destitute of soul. A heart destitute of... love.

...Now watch as I fade away from the one person who could have made me human again.

A Call From Chermaine

Chermaine: It's been 24 hours now. U still rhyming?

Maman: Thankfully, no!

Chermaine: Do you remember when was the first time u started rhyming for no apparent reason?

Maman: Erm... No?

Chermaine: Really?

Maman: Ya lah! When have I ever rhymed for no bloody reason?!

Chermaine: You really don't remember?

Maman: No!!! Why?

Chermaine: So you don't recall when was the last time you rhymed, where you were at that point of time, who you were with, and what triggered it???

Maman: No lah, bitch! Haiyo... How many times do I have to repeat myself?!?!

Chermaine: Here's a clue.... Smack That.

Maman: Huh? You talking about the song, right? What has it got to do with me rhyming?

Chermaine: When was the first time you heard that song? Where were u at that point of time? Who were you with? What were u doing?

Maman: ...

Chermaine: Oi... Don't ignore me.

Maman: I'm not. I'm just...

Chermaine: Just what?

Maman: ...stunned.

Chermaine: Haha! And you know what?

Maman: ...Don't tell me

Chermaine: Your unexplainable cause for rhyming tells me one thing, dear.

Maman: No, really. Don't tell me.

Chermaine: Just like after your first date with KS, which was when you first heard the song, you felt something. Something so strong. Something familiar, yet ironically foreign altogether. And after that night, you...

Maman: Okay okay. Stop... please.

Chermaine: ...you were finally in love again.

Maman: I told you not tell me!!!

Chermaine: Haha!

Maman: Not funny lor!

Chermaine: Welcome back, baby.

Maman: Oh shut up.

The Man That You Deserve

Okay here I go again, rhyming my words much to my dismay. Here's another poem for the one that I love, about the kind of man he truly deserves. The pain he's feeling from the recent events, sourcing from that bastard who isn't a man. Don't worry my love, for all will be fine. You're a strong man, so please continue to shine. You know I'm here for you, yes I'm still a friend. To lead you out of this pain, regardless of how long it'll span.

To see you happy, that is all I want. Even if it's with someone else, trust me, to be sad I shan't. Yes I'd be hurt and very much in pain, but seeing you happy is my ultimate gain. For in your possession lies a heart of gold, bless the man whom you'd eventually love, cuddle and hold. As much as I wish that a miracle were to be, I've resigned to my fate that love was never meant for me.

So here I shall end, with this poem at hand. Read it carefully dear, for it is a sign. That when this whole episode ends, you'd realize that love will only point to one man.


He is a fortunate man
That has your world in the palm of his hands
If he can but understand
That it's going to take everything he can

To be that special one
To give his all and then some
To make sure to you total right is done
To make your heart shine out in the sun

From the deepest, darkest part of the night
To the highest point of the afternoon daylight
When your day shines so bright
He must try with all his might

To show you how much he cares
And that he will always be there
Whether the going is good or fair
To find such a man is truly rare

For the road your heart has taken has been rocky and long
And has had more than it's fair share of wrongs
Now your heart sings the sad song
Of how the two of you did not get along

Little by little from the start
Then piece by piece he broke your heart
And slowly but surely you two drifted apart
And from your life now he must depart

For you to now be free
From that which wasn't meant to be
And as for now you clearly can see
That the man you deserve was not he

To my words please do heed
The man that you need
Will come forth with dashing speed
With truth and respect in word, thought, and deed

To forget his own and help you with your pain
That in your heart may still remain
And any further hurt to you he will refrain
For he looks upon this with such disdain

He will reach into his own heart's reserve
For it's your love he is trying to preserve
And when you find this man, you'd realize I'm sure
That I am the man that you truly deserve

My Confession

The cat's finally out of the bag. Sharon and Ivan knew it all along. Apparently, so did he. It was a matter of time before I spilled the beans. Damn my mouth. Damn my big rotten mouth. Do I regret confessing? A little. Not of what they mean, because it's true. But of the implications that saying it will have.

Now I feel awkward. I'm not sure if you do. All I want is to be with you. But I know it won't happen. Only a miracle could ever change that. Because we're such good friends, you and I. We have so much in common. Not of interests or of superficial trivias, but of traits and our philosophies of life. Your beliefs, your principles, we're alike in so many ways. Yet that still won't change the fact that love is not for you and I.

I've paid my dues, and I'm sick of being frozen. Loving someone is hard to do, after all the pain that I went through. From Adi to KS, to the ones who passed by in between. None gave me the courage to go back to being that vulnerable teen. Vulnerable to love, vulnerable to pain. Yet here you are, and shit, I'm starting to go insane.

Why am I rhyming? What's happening to me? Am I starting to unfreeze, or is freezing the only way to be? Fuck, there it is again! That bloody rhyme! The bloody rhymes and the bloody confession. Why did I do it, knowing damn well of the repercussions?

To reciprocate these feelings, I shall not ask. But as a thought to consider, I'm sure it's not a daunting task?

Aargh!!! Why the fuck am I bloody hell rhyming?!?!

I better stop here. The rhyming's getting on my nerves. But before I go, here's a poem for you, the one that I love.


I cherish your friendship
with all of my heart,
and I hope that nothing
will break it apart.

I know that you probably
just want to be friends,
but I have to tell you how I feel
before my time to say it ends.

I've started to see you
as more than just a friend.
To be honest, I can even see you
as the one I spend my life with all the way til the end.

I know that sounded stupid
and that you probably don't agree,
but if you're looking for a boyfriend,
why not make it me?

I'd always be faithful.
You could place your trust in me.
And I would always try my hardest
to give you your wants and needs.

I know you probably hate this,
and I'm running out of rhyme,
so if you want to think it over,
I'll give you some time.

Please consider it carefully.
You just might be surprised
at how much love you could find
if you looked into my eyes.

If you held me in your arms
so masculine and strong,
you just might find what you've been missing
your true love all along.