Boyz 2 Men

Since my enlistment 4 months ago, almost everyone I know have been asking, "So, what is it exactly that you do in Civil Defence?"

Most of the time, my response has been "You don't really wanna know"; simply to spare myself the trouble of getting into the fine details of my job scope.

Well, for those who have been, or are still, curious, let me now take this opportunity to explain in detail what it is exactly I do; day in, day out.

As most of you would know, I am in the Public Affairs Branch of SCDF's 1^st Division.

On the surface, I am a certified Public Education Instructor; meaning, I go around teaching organizations in both the corporate and public sectors, grassroot organizations, academic institutions and the general public on the fundementals of Civil Defence through our Community Emergency Preparedness Programme, or CEPP for short.

The CEPP consists of 5 modules: First Aid; CPR; Fire Fighting and Evacuation; Emergency Procedures; as well as Unconventional Threats.

Having worked in numerous Education and Community Outreach projects in my 1 1/2 years in theatre, this part of my job is a piece of cake, actually. I've never had difficulties being in front of a crowd; as long as I know the contents of my tutorials well.

Besides being a PEI, I also take charge of most of the administrative work in my department. This is the root of most of my job-related stress, to be frank.

Not only am I required to perform data-entry duties, I'm also required to prepare the monthly department report, both the weekly and monthly CEPP reports, the monthly Commander's meeting powerpoint slides, as well as the annual work plan powerpoint slides. On top of that, I'm also required to vet through other important documents with regards to the CDECs in the 23 constituencies which fall under our Division. To add on, I also assist my Assistant Community Involvement Officers with their paperwork, as and when they need it.

If that's not enough, I'm also the unofficial photographer and emcee of my Division. Hell, I even ran double-duty during the last Commander's Parade; something which, as I've come to find out, has never been done before by any NSF in my department - past or present.

Daunting as it may seem, I'm actually glad to be in this position; for not only does it discipline me in my work ethics, but it also creates a platform to stretch my potential - thus, creating more avenues to excel and shine in.

Looking at the previous batches of NSFs, I realized that I've not come across 1 personnel who was proficient both in the office, as well as on the training field.

Though I personally believe that I have yet to reach that level of greatness, I'm determined that, with a little bit more effort, I'm well on my way of achieving that ultimate goal.

Besides, there are perks to being, arguably, the busiest NSF in the department.

For starters, my welfare has always been extra taken care of. I've never had any request for a day's off rejected; I've been treated to meals by the Head of my department, my Public Education Officer, and my ACIOs - a gesture I take as a form of acknowledgement of my performance at work; and the best part of it all, I've constantly been given the green light to do my work, my way - without having to conform to the SOP of the Force.

That, in my opinion, has always been the source of envy in the eyes of most of the boys in my department; to the point where my rapport with the officers have been the centre of their bitch fests.

Also, being a PEI, I get to shake hands and rub shoulders with MPs from the various GRCs - something most people don't get to do ever so often.

Hence, it leaves me to wonder - why do most of the boys shudder at the thought of stepping into my shoes?

Sure, the shitload of work's enough to make you jump off a cliff; but, with those perks and more, why not let that be a form of motivation to do better?

If there's one thing I've learnt through my mistakes in the past is that there's always time for play, as long as you know when it's time for work.

National Service is where "Boys Turn into Men".

That said... Have YOU grown up yet?

Counting Down

It's officially 2 weeks to my 21^st birthday.

I know some of you may already know this, but for the sake of everyone else, I'll just make this official - I will be having 2 birthday celebrations!

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The first celebration would be a pre-birthday affair at Powerhouse, St James Power Station on the 18^th of May. Coincidentally, that night would also be the Fabulous Bling Bling night; so come on, show off your bling and party the night away with yours truly as I celebrate my birthday with the rest of the Fabulous crowd.

In case you're wondering, yes, I'm making this an open invititation to all my friends and acquaintances! No guest lists, no formal invitations. Just a shout-out to everyone and anyone (who knows me) out there! But don't forget the presents though! Haha!

And oh, for those who've been living under a rock for the past year and a half, Sundays' Gay Night at Powerhouse, but don't let that deter you from coming down, especially to all my straight guy-friends! :)

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My second celebration would be held on my actual birthday itself - May 21^st.

This would be a double-celebration - Yours truly turning 21, and my beloved godsis Cyna turning 30 - something we've wanted to do since last year! Anyway, I wanted it, on my part at least, to be an intimate affair with my loved ones at a not-so-intimate location, so for this, I'll only be inviting my close friends and loved ones.

For those who've already been invited, I really hope you can make it on that night. And as for those who haven't, too bad. ;)

Oh by the way, could Ms "tAK", Ms Mardiana Sabtu and Mr Stanley Ng please pm me over at msn? I wanna pass you the details of the party. :)

...And Now, The Conclusion.

"Maman is mentally and emotionally exhausted ...because of you."

"Don't make me play the part you think I am."

"...you already are."


These were the nicks displayed on both mine and Farid's MSN messengers respectively. I had a hunch that something big was brewing; that the fireworks were about to go off anytime soon - and they finally did.

Farid had wanted to know of the contents of my conversation with Danial on Saturday morning. I replied by saying that whatever that were said between Dan and I shall stay between Dan and I, leaving only with "I now know. So does he."

He wouldn't accept that, and started accusing me of spreading shit about him, and yet not having the balls to say it to his face. Well, my only retort was for him to get a mirror, because if everyone else can see it, there shouldn't be any reason for him not to.

Hell, everybody knows what happened beween him and I. They were there over the months, seeing him lead me on at one instant, and ignoring my feelings the next. They saw me cry almost every other week. I've got that many people as witnesses who saw the whole thing with their own eyes. Who or what does he have in his defense?

No need to play the sick puppy no more, hun. Like how I ended our half-hour tiff, I shall end the same way here.

"You'll see this one day. Hell, you'll go through it. Believe me when I say this, because I've been in those shoes before. Thank you, and goodbye."

With that, I deleted him off my msn list for good; thus, closing this chapter once and for all.

Am I sad? A little, I shan't deny.

But am I relieved? Oh hell yeah!

As most of my friends would know, it only takes one discovery of an act of betrayal for me to forget someone completely. Time and time again, I've shown just how cold I can be to erase every bit of memory of that person at the snap of a finger. As of now, you're one of them.


Thank you for making me believe again.

Thank you for making me lose all beliefs.

Thank you for making me feel again.

Thank you for making me cold again.

Thank you for the laughter.

Thank you for the tears.

Thank you for reminding me that I was once a bastard you.

Thank you for shedding some light on the man I've become today.

...and with that, goodbye.

This Story Has Reached Its Climax

Was at Play with the usual bunch on Friday; where I was introduced to this guy by the name of Danial. He was also introduced to me as the guy Raihan was dating.

We (all) drank and danced the night away. Barely hours after getting to know him, I soon realized that Danial wasn't exactly on good terms with alcohol, because he got drunk only after a couple of drinks! Haha!

Anyway, one thing led to another, and before I knew it, we were both dancing together on the podium. At that point, the dance pretty much meant nothing to me because he was the guy Raihan was dating, or so I thought; but I shan't get into details about that. With all due respect to Danial, I'm sure you guys can pretty much guess where I'm going with this.

Moving right along, while we were at the smoking area, something happened. No, make that 2 things.

First of all, Danial and I kissed. I'm sure you guys saw this coming the moment I first mentioned his name, right? Haha! But no, seriously, it wasn't something I had planned on - It just happened!

Well, as it may have appeared, my night was going well. Near perfect, if I could say so myself. Then came the plunge.

"You wanna know something? I think I kinda like Farid; and from the signs he's been showing, I think he kinda likes me too."

If there were a moment where I'd willingly stand before a moving train, that would be it! I mean, here's a guy whom I was introduced to as Raihan's "current" beau, and here he is barely hours after our first introduction, had his tongue in my mouth!

If you think the picture's not screwed enough as it is, wait - it doesn't end there! Here he is again, barely minutes after having his tongue in my mouth, and vice versa, telling me that he "kinda likes" the guy I've been deeply in love with; not to mention, been crying myself trying to get over, for the last few months!

As what Megan Mullally's character in Will & Grace once said, "Which lever do I pull to get hit by a safe??"

That pretty much screwed my entire night. I left him at the smoking area with Buzar and went back into the club - crying, yet again.

After much self-persuasion, I decided that I will not let another bullet to the heart affect an, otherwise, wonderful night out. Siti, being the darling that she is, decided to cheer me up with booze, and last drink definitely hit me at the right spot!

After clubbing, Danial, Ewan, Aliff, Buzar and myself decided to hang around at Maxwell to chat till morning. We shared lots of intersting stories about ourselves, and though it got deeper by the minute, we didn't stop. Then came the bonus-round, lottery-striking question: "What's the whole deal between Farid and I?"

That was when I decided to bring Danial over to another table and tell him everything that has happened over the last few months - both good and bad.

Yes, Farid was never mine to begin with. We were never in a relationship, neither did we ever date; but over the past few months, there I was in the background - still holding on. Still waiting for him to have a change of heart. Still waiting for him to be ready, and even Danial agreed that that's more than a good-enough reason for me to be affected by his revelations.

I told him everything that he needed to know - how we first met, when I first realized I was in love with him, how I tried to prove my sincerity to him, how everyone then saw him leading me on - so on and so forth.

He then went on to tell me everything I needed to know about whatever that was going on between him and Farid. From the "signs" that Farid was apparently showing, it became clear to me that those "signs" Danial had mentioned of were similar to what Farid had showed me then.

It was then that I realised that the whole Danial-Farid skit was turning into a remake of the whole Maman-Farid episode. In that instance, I also realized that it was my duty, if you will, to break it to Danial - It's not worth it.

I shall talk about the ramifications of our conversation in my next post, but for now, let me just leave by saying that knowing of this whole Danial-Farid skit has brought upon the same result as when I first knew of the things Adi did behind my back - I have completely moved on.

:)