12 Months

"To be frank, the past 4 months hasn't exactly been smooth sailing for me. I'm kinda tortured by this girl. I feel like crying. Really damn sian. I so wanna give up. There's really no one who can love or take care of me the way you did. Haiz."

"...maybe it's just karma. I wasted 1 year of your life. Now it's my turn to feel the pain."

"Now we're both lonely, knowing that the best love we had was the one we shared; but sadly is not a possible one."

"...thanks for the listening ear, Maman. You're still the best I had."

---

These were some of the messages I received from my (dearest) 2nd ex, KS. It's been almost 18 months since our break-up; and though we're both over it, we're both aware that deep down, there's no one who could possibly take the place of the other. We're both also well aware that, despite this fact, the love we once shared could never be ignited again.

It took me 12 months to get over him for he was an honest and sincere boyfriend who, despite his busy schedule, dedicated all his love and affection to me; and was one who really treasured all the love I gave to him. It's also no surprise that with him, I was able to completely let my guard down without any reservations nor hesitations.

Let's also not discount the fact that, albeit dating 4 others before him, he was the only man who was able to hold my hand and walk me out of the fears which had completely consume me; an aftermath of my break-up with Adi.

I was the first man he dated. I was the first man he got into a relationship with. I was the first man to show him what true love really is.

He was the first man to lead me out of my fears. He was the first man to heal my pain. He was the first man to make me believe in love again.

Despite having opposite personalities, I dare say that we were a match made in heaven; but sadly, the undying love we had and shared was not meant to be.

I would be lying if I were to say that my feelings for him have completely faded off. I know very well that - for a fact - that little corner in my heart will always have his name tattooed on it; regardless of how many relationships I get into in the future.

I would also never deny the fact that, given the chance, I would give everything up to have him back in my arms once again; even though I know that, one day, I will have to let him go once again.

This is probably one of the reasons why I'm still single and lonely after almost 18 months; because deep down, I know that should I finally have someone to fill the void in my heart, he would need to have all the qualities I look for - of which the standards were all set and/or raised by KS himself.

All I can do now is to pray for his happiness; that one day, he will find a girl who's worthy of his love and dedication for life. Even though I know I can make him happy. Even though I know... that that'd be the only thing to make me happy once again.

I.. I... Ugh, I think it's best that I end here. Shedding buckets full of tears is the last thing I want to do right now. I shall leave this entry with the following song.

The sad song my tears sang for 12 months.

The sad song that still plays in that little corner of my heart.

---

Stay With Me
by Danity Kane

Raindrops fall from everywhere
I reach out for you, but you're not there
So I stood, waiting, in the dark
With your picture in my hand
Story of a broken heart

Stay with me
Don't let me go
Cause I can't be without you
Just stay with me
And hold me close
Because I've built my world around you
And I don't wanna know what's it like without you
So stay with me
Just stay with me

I'm trying and hoping for the day
When my touch is enough
To take the pain away
Cause I've searched for so long
The answer is clear
We'll be OK if we don't let it disappear

Stay with me
Don't let me go
Cause I can't be without you
Just stay with me
And hold me close
Because I've built my world around you
And I don't wanna know what's it like without you
So stay with me
Just stay with me

I've searched my heart over
So many many times
No you-and-I is like no stars to light the sky at night
Our picture hangs out of tune
Remind me of the days
You promised me we'd always be
And never go away
That's why I need you to stay

Stay with me
Don't let me go
Cause I can't be without you
Just stay with me
And hold me close
Because I've built my world around you
And I don't wanna know what's it like without you
So stay with me
Just stay with me

Don't leave
So I stay waiting in the dark...

Swarmed, Minus The Bees

Did you read the news on the Emergency Detrainment Exercise at City Hall MRT, which was conducted in the middle of the night and was participated by over 300 students?

I was a part of that.

Did you read the news on the Emergency Preparedness Day Exercise participated by the residents of Kolam Ayer at Geylang Bahru?

I was a part of that.

Did you read the news on the Emergency Preparedness Day Exercise participated by the residents of Jalan Besar at Jellicoe Road?

I was a part of that.

---

These activities merely make up a fraction of the activities I was involved with over the past month at work. It's been exhausting, to say the very least. Besides the 3 activities mentioned above, I was also involved with other community-based events held in several constituencies, Fire Safety Days and Work Safety Days; all that, on top of the CEPP lessons my team members and I have to carry out, both in and outside of camp.

Oh, and speaking of lessons, my department has just completed a 4-day training course for the entire sec 2 level of Dunman High School. It was extremely tiring, having to teach so many students at a time, and also having to discipline them.

Now that most of it's over, I find myself swarmed with administrative work. Swarmed, I tell you!

I've just completed the CEPP monthly report, which then leaves me with the Department Monthly Report, the Public Service 21 report, and the Quality Service Initiatives report! On top of that, I've also got tons of data entry to do, and also an archiving assignment to complete.

Oh and if that's not enough, I now have to write the script for the next Emergency Preparedness Day, which I've got to submit today!

Aaaaaaarrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhh!!!!!

Oh oh oh, guess what? If all that work's not enough to already make me scream, I've also gotta work over the weekend at 2 community-based activities; and later on in the afternoon, I'll be heading down to Jurong Island to conduct lessons on First Aid, CPR and Fire Fighting to the staff of ExxonMobil, which is expected to go on till 10 in the evening.

I'm really happy being where I am today for I've got good superiors and (pretty) good colleagues, of which more than half are quite dependable; but the workload, especially the paperwork, is really something that's making me real crazy (and temperamental) at the moment.

Here's a piece of info before I end off - The last time I was on off was on the 16th, and the next would only be on the 3rd of next month - In other words, that's working back-to-back for 16 days straight, leaving very little time for the other areas of commitment in my life.

With a work schedule like this, it's no wonder my love life's non-existent! Urgh!

The Beginning of A New Milestone

My 21st birthday celebrations went really well, and before I start in on the details, I'd just like to take this opportunity to thank everyone for the well-wishes, the hugs, and most importantly, the presents! Nyeh heh heh! ;)

The first few celebrations took place over the weekend before my actual birthday itself. Let's see; for starters, my family had a feast for me; then I had a nice karaoke session with Nizam and the Sembawang bunch; had a mini party over at Diah's place; and of course, my 2 celebrations at Powerhouse.

The first was on the Fabulous Bling Bling night. By the time I got there, it was already close to midnight, and the queue outside was c-r-a-z-y. But of course, as you'd probably know, queues have never been a bother for me when it came to St James.

There were those who had to be in the queue for hours before entering, but it only took 5 minutes for yours truly (and my friends) to get in! It sure pays to be a VIP of the club; and not to mention, a close friend of the DJ himself! ;)

Anyway, that Sunday night at St James was really crazy, and yes it's a good thing. True to my nature, I got myself drunk as I did for my past 2 birthdays. Well, not pissed drunk, no. I drank to the point where I knew the high's just right. Getting myself pissed drunk is usually saved for my actual birthday itself.

And as I've mentioned above, pissed drunk I was on my actual birthday celebrations, which was held at Powerhouse once again on Ladies' Nite. Okay, the whole getting pissed drunk part was all courtesy of our dear Miss Pei Wen who kept feeding me alcohol like it was running tap water! Oh did I mention, I ended up smooching this really really really cute guy! Yes, on Ladies' Nite! Sorry ladies! Hur hur hur... But sadly, in the midst of it all, I actually forgot to get his number! Aargh!

And oh, to my dearest Ms "tAK", which part of the club were you at? I tried looking for you and Darius, but I didn't even see anyone who looked anything close to the 2 of you! By the way, my whole group was seated by the bar, just behind the podium on the left.

Well, it's been a slightly over a month since my birthday. I've officially stepped into a new milestone in my life; and as I do every year, I've set myself new goals and new aspirations for this new chapter in my life.

And Maman said to his laptop...

"Let there be life!"

The past month and a half has been miserable without my dearest lappie, which decided to die a few days after my last blog entry.

My endless thanks to Ain, who spent time repairing it for me despite her hectic schedule! You really are a computer genius! Thanks, girl! Love you deep deep! :)

Although lappie's running really slowly, and keeps lagging, I'm more than thankful that, at the very least, it's still able to work! :)