Cleaning Out The Cobwebs

I could hear the crickets creaking.

I could see cobwebs forming.

I could see them nasty roaches chasing one another ala a bollywood scene.

But most importantly...

I could still hear Hari Raya songs playing; in April!!


(Bangs head on table)

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Well, forget all that cos' the bitch is back! :)

I know it's been an awfully long time since I last updated, and quite frankly, I may have more things to say than I could actually bother to type! Well, that's the reason why I stopped blogging in the first place!

I mean, procrastination led to more procrastination - which led to the no. of posts piling up by the day - and before I knew it, I was too lazy to blog about anything at all!

Well, let's cut the long story short and get right down to my life over the past 5 months now, shall we?

From where I last left you, I was still running the family's business. Well, that's no longer the case, and it's not just because of NS. (On a side tangent, I've been in NS for 3 months now, but let's save the CD-bitching till later yeah?)

Back to the family business, I decided to relinquish my post about 1 month and a half earlier than expected, and you know that could only mean one thing - drama!

Well, it all happened in the midst of the whole Hari Raya festive season lah. It was at my eldest uncle's open house. I was halfway through a meal when his wife asked "So, Man, what do you plan to do after NS?"

Just as I was about to answer her, my uncle (the one running the business) cut in to say "Alah, no need to think so much lah. Best thing for you to do is to finish up your 2 years, and after that, fully take over the business!"

That statement shocked the hell outta me. Seriously, I was really caufght off-guard by his response. So much so that I no longer had the appetite to finish my meal.

Long story short, I decided to come clean to the family about my plans for after NS. I could tell they were somewhat shocked, but at the same time, they weren't surprised.

I mean, I shocked my entire family when I decided to withdraw from Poly to pursue my passion for acting. Hence, it came to no (or little) surprise that 2 years since I made that decision, I still chose my passion over another "career path".

My uncle got the worst of it, though. He was so shocked and disappointed that he didn't talk to me throughout the rest of the day; and it would stay that way till 2 months later when grandpa fell really ill.

Speaking of which, grandpa's sudden illness came as a surprise to us all, and frankly, it's something I never want to go through again. Period.

It was like any other Friday evening. I had just got back from my (then) part-time job as a trainer, and knowing Maman, I hate to be disturbed when I'm all tired out from work. It was right after dusk and grandpa was about to finish performing his prayers. That was the last time I saw him being his normal self.

5 minutes afterwards, just before grandma could perform her prayers, she came knocking on my door and said my grandpa was complaining that he felt cold. Initially, I thought that it was probably nothing, and he probably just wanted my attention or something, but when I came into the room and saw him shivering, I knew he wasn't joking, neither was he faking it cos for one, the shivering was too real to be faked by an 86-year old man who wasn't suffering from Arthritis or Parkinsons Disease!

I placed the palm of my hand on his forehead, and it was cold. I placed it on his neck, and it was just as cold. When I touched his hands, it was freezing cold. That immediately alarmed me.

I called my eldest aunt to come over immediately and I also called for an ambulance. Boiled some water to dab on his face and hands, and while waiting, I rushed back to his side.

My lord, the man was lying down in a stuffy room underneath 2 blankets and 3 layers of sweaters, and he was still shivering! To make things worse, all the man could talk about was death, and how he felt that it was his time to go!

How would you, as a grandchild, feel/react when your grandpa looks you in the eyes and say "I'm about to go. I think it's time."

As much as I was metaphorically shittin in my pants, I knew I had to stay calm for my grandma's sake. One glance and I knew that she was shittin in her pants too. Granny has a really soft heart, so seeing her husband of almost 60 years be in that state must've really been hard for her.

Anyway, once we got to the hospital, everything seemed fine. Gramps was in the observation room, and was seemingly recovering. Or so we thought.

Gramps got warded and not long after, we all headed back to my place to discuss grandpa's condition, and what could be done, especially with regards to his high blood pressure.

15 mins into our family discussion, the phone rang.

"Hello, Aman. Datang sini tolong Atuk. Atuk dari tadi cari bilik air rumah kita, tapi tak jumpa-jumpa. Dapur rumah kita Atuk nampak, tapi bilik air tak jumpa-jumpa pulak."

(Hello, Aman. Help me find our bathroom. I've been searching for it since just now, but I can't seem to find it. I can see our kitchen, but I can't seem to find our bathroom.)

"...Errrr... Errrrr.... Okay, okay. Atuk tunggu. Kejap lagi Maman sampai."

(Hold on. I'll be there in a while.)

"We need to go back to the hospital. Something's not right with grandpa."

Long story short, apparently the medication prescribed by the doctor was really strong as gramps' BP was really high then, therefore causing gramps to slip into temporary dementia, and that contributed to that night being the worst night I have ever had in my soon-to-be 21 years. (Fyi, 2 of my uncles and I insisted on staying over to look after him.)

Here's the thing; my grandpa loves being warded. I know it sounds weird, but yes, the old man loves it; simply cos' that's when he'd get to see distant relatives whom, otherwise, we only get to see during the festive season, weddings or funerals; but that night he kept wanting to go home, so much so that he barely had any sleep! He kept pointing out that we wants to go back to use our bathroom instead of the one in the hospital, which was at the other end of the ward.

Oh, and when he said he could "find our kitchen", it was actually the Staff Pantry, but the medication led him into thinking that it was out kitchen!

"What's happening to my grandpa? Why's he suddenly behaving as though he's... senile?"

My grandfather's 87, and besides his high blood pressure, he is a fit and healthy man! He's not diabetic; he doesn't have heart-related problems; he has never required a walking aid to move about; and his memory retention is that of a man in his prime!

So why was my grandpa in such a state?!

Seeing my grandpa like that really took me over the edge. My mind was fucking me up real bad with thoughts of him dying; and being the emotional guy that I am, those thoughts were effective in breaking me down.

I still remember running out of the ward crying, and having my uncle to calm me down only after 10 minutes or so. I knew I had to stay strong for gramps' sake, but I couldn't believe the strongest elderly man I know (physically and mentally) could be reduced to such a state in a matter of hours! It was only hours before that that he went to the provision shop to get bread and kaya. I swear, it was the most heart-breaking sight I have ever had to witness to.

The second time I broke down was when gramps perform his pre-dawn prayers. When he prayed for his family's welfare, and for us to always be safe and protected, I couldn't take it any longer. I turned away from him and cried silently.

The next day, we had gramps discharged upon his request, even though the doctors were reluctant to sign the release forms. Suprisingly, he got better afterwards. As the days passed, his condition got so much better.

Gramps' an amazing guy, he really is. He went from healthy to near-fatal in a matter of hours, and bounced right back in a matter of days.

Yes, I know I've always complained about him irritating me and all that shit. To be honest, he's back to that right now, but I'd rather have a grandfather who keeps bugging me than not having him around at all. I love him to bits, and I know he'd always love his first grandson the most of all his grandkids.